Wednesday, December 28, 2011

Good-bye 2011

Well it's been awhile since I have written and I wish I could say that it's going to change anytime soon. Probably not.

I have hope that things will improve to the point that I have more optimism. I really want things to get better and we are going to be working on it in the new year. I am working on getting out the frustrations now so that I can start the new year in a better frame of mind to make things better from this point forward.

Saturday, December 10, 2011

Long time, no update - things could be better for certain

Where has the time gone? I am sure that I could explain but it's not the place for that kind of honesty that could result in bad things in my life.

I have to keep myself from going to that dark place again. I have just started to come out of it and going back is scarier than I can describe.

Yes, this post is a different tune than the other ones. Things in my life are more of a struggle than they ever were with the infertility journey. That part of my life has been put on hold indefinitely, which is probably the best thing right now as difficult of a decision as it was for us to make at the time.

We are in a tough place right now, I thought it would get to be easier by sticking it through the really tough times we have had lately but it isn't any better yet. We were making some progress with things and then got a swift kick in the butt back a far away.

Who knew there would be something worse in my life than infertility??? After nearly 2 years of trying to have a baby: 7 months of fertility meds, 3 inseminations, 6 weeks of shots and limited activity, 15+ pounds of weight gain due to meds, 1 painful egg retrieval of 14 eggs, 2 egg transfer, and 2 days of solid bed rest - I found something that makes all of that look uncomplicated and painless. Who knew such a thing existed??

Someday, all the bad things that have happened to me will be explained and I will have a reason for them. Someday, all of the dreams we have had for years will come true. I have to believe it or I will lose faith in many things.