Friday, November 30, 2012

A scary day I am glad is over

The last 24 hours have been filled with anxiety.

Last night, I started having pretty bad cramps with much red spotting. It wasn't a little amount and it freaked me out tremendously. After a few hours, it was still bad so we called the on-call doctor to see what we could do and their recommendations to move forward. She said that I need to take some tylenol, drink as much as I could and call the doctor's office in the morning to have an appointment set up right away.

Okay, super freak out time.

I sobbed and sobbed because I was so scared that we were miscarrying after everything we went through to get pregnant.

It was a very scary night with restless sleep and anxiety.

At the appointment today, I had another ultrasound. Thankfully, the baby was still there and the heart was pumping away strongly - 149 beats per minute and had grown so much. Little GW was so much bigger than they were last week. I was able to hear the heartbeat loud and clear, it was the most wonderful sound in the world particularly after the way I spent the evening.

The best news is that the hematoma was gone, it was not there anymore!

I sat down with the RE and we talked for awhile about everything, she said that I did the right thing by calling the on-call doctor and coming in early to have a scan to make sure things were all right. She said she wants me on rest this weekend, taking it easy all weekend and calling her on Monday morning. She also said she wants to see me again next week to make sure I felt more informed about everything.

Whew, what an emotional roller coaster day.

Tuesday, November 27, 2012

7 weeks = nausea and exhaustion

Well now that things are rolling along, someone flipped the switch to the nausea and the strong smells kicking in and I am not feeling good pretty much everyday.

I know that this is what we have hoped and prayed for all this time but I do not feel feel like I am not entitled to feel bad. Many women in their first trimester don't feel well and apparently I am one of them.

People have the best of intentions with happiness for me feeling badly because it means the baby is growing and the hormones are a-flowing. But when it's the 5th time in about an hour that I feel like I could throw up, that's not really comforting.

I am so excited that so many people are excited for us, there have been so many people on this journey with us from the beginning and to be able to finally say that things are going along wonderfully is truly an amazing feeling. I know our little baby (I call GW - our baby names for a boy or a girl starts with a G, so that's my nickname for the baby) will be loved from so many places. It makes us feel the love all time,

So I am going to try to keep up with these every week to see the progress of the baby and how I am feeling:

How far along? 7 weeks
Total weight gain: actually down about 3 pounds - thank you nausea
Maternity clothes? Not yet, but the bloat makes me wish I was wearing them
Stretch marks? Not any ones I didn't all ready have (haha!)
Sleep: Between getting up to go to the bathroom all the time and having nausea, sleep is interesting. Though, I am exhausted during the day and wish I could nap under my desk at school!
Best moment of the week: Sharing the picture with everyone!
Miss anything? Right now - Mexican food, a glass of wine after a day like today, and no nausea
Movement: No way, GW is too little!
Anything making you queasy or sick: Umm....EVERYTHING!!!!!! Thank goodness for Zofran to help with the nausea but I HATE the taste of Saltines
Gender prediction: Not a clue - little GW will be perfect no matter what!
Labor signs: Nope
Symptoms: Nausea, Strong smells, Emotional, Having to pee all the time
Belly button in or out? In
Wedding rings on or off? Off but just because of the bloat I feel which is apparently normal during the first trimester
Happy or moody most of the time? To quote Grey's Anatomy - "I am a hormone casserole!" it depends on the day and what's happening at the moment - I do cry for no reason
Looking forward to: The ultrasound Monday at 8 weeks 1 day and hoping we get released back to my regular OB from the specialist

Wednesday, November 21, 2012

Time to share

The best news possible:

That's right! We have a baby on the way!

Today I am 6 weeks 4 days and due July 13, 2013 (approximately, give or take a day either way). The FET was a success!!! We are so excited but have been so nervous to tell until after we had the ultrasound to make sure things were moving along in the best direction.

We met with the RE today, had our ultrasound pictured above, and a blood draw. It was almost surreal to believe when we saw the baby on the screen. We could see the heart pumping away, still too early to hear it yet, but we could see it going (heart rate 124 bpm). My eyes starting tearing up when we saw it because I had spent the whole day being so nervous that things were not going to be going along well - but they are moving along perfectly.

The RE is thrilled with everything - she about made me cry several times as we were talking about the schedule of things to come. We have been trying for so long, have gone through so many procedures, spent so much time and money on this pursuit, it all came tumbling out.

So here is our plan:
-2 weeks til a follow up ultrasound when I will be approximately 8 weeks 3 days
-If everything is going well, I can be released to my regular OB
-I can stop taking the shot and we are switching to another form of progesterone

We are not out of the woods yet, but we have tackled some of the major hurdles before we are at our lowest point for chance of miscarriage that we will be at throughout the pregnancy.

We definitely have so much to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.

Tuesday, November 20, 2012

Today is my 32nd birthday

Today I turn 32.

The last year has been quite a ride and although I have come out the other side of it stronger, I am not sorry to see it end. I am ready for a new beginning in my life and I feel strongly it is on the way.

I am sad today although it is a happy day because my mom is not here to celebrate with me. She always made my birthday a big deal - she would send me many birthday cards, post pictures on Facebook, call me multiple times a day to sing to me like she did when I was little. It was important to her that I feel special on my birthday and I have to admit that today, there is some sadness.

I am ready to have a new start to the new year of my life - after this year, I believe very strongly that I deserve a fresh start.

Sunday, November 4, 2012

Wishing, Hoping, and Praying (Again)

Well the waiting game continues...unfortunately, this is all too familiar of territory for me. I have been down this road for 3 years now and it never gets any easier to manage.

After the early miscarriage in August, I promised Aaron when we did it all again, that I would not test at home. We watched our dream appear, then slowly disappear through the at home tests and it was impossible to deal with emotionally. Now this time, we are just going to wait for the official testing by the doctor's office for the final say-so on it.

That does not mean it's any easier to deal with this time just because we are waiting to find out the results. Nope, not one little bit.

The waiting is the hardest part.

So true.

We always say we will take some time to deal with the results before opening it up to the whole world. Reality is that we end up sharing it all right away because we have so many people pulling for us and know they want to be there to support us no matter what.

Will this time be any different?

Who knows?

We are wishing, hoping and praying to be off this part of the ride - it's a terrible journey that I wouldn't wish on anyone EVER.

I know that the next part is full of different kinds of stressing, but at least then it's working toward something. Right now, we are just working for the hope. At least once it's real, we can start to be happy for a few before the other emotions come flooding in. Right now, we are just sitting on the edge of a pin waiting to be knocked in a direction - will it be positive or negative? We don't know and just have to keep on the waiting train.

3 days to judgment day and counting.

Friday, November 2, 2012

FET complete

We had our FET (Frozen Embryo Transfer) one week ago.

The dr said things looked great, the embryos were taken out of their freeze very successfully and even began to grow while waiting to be implanted. The dr called them beautiful.

The FET cycle has been nothing compared the headache that the fresh cycles were and thank goodness for that! I just take a pill 3 times a day for about 2 weeks, went in for a scan and blood work. It did get a little more complicated then though: I had to keep taking the pill 3 times a day, plus add in Medrol which they us to help the embryos implant (nasty tasting uncoated pill that sticks to your tongue and leaves your mouth tasting like medicine for hours), plus a round of antibiotics, and then dreaded progesterone daily shot. That was all leading up to the transfer day.

The day of the scan the poor dr was delayed and it ended up being almost an hour before we could do it from our original appointment time. Unfortunately for me, I had to sit with the full bladder that whole time waiting for the dr to show up!! I thought I was going to die! Then after the procedure, you have lay down for 30 minutes before you can get up. Now they have offered me the bed pan and I have rejected it each time. I just waited until I could go.

The dr said because of how much they had grown, it was pretty likely they would attempt to implant within 24-48 hours so those days were critical on bed rest.

I hate bed rest.

It never fails that because you can't move around, that's the only thing you need to do. Not to mention, I missed an awesome annual Halloween party a friend throws, and missed one of my favorite things to do, take the free Anheiser Busch brewery tour for another friend's birthday.

All for the great good, all for the great good, all for the great good.

It was my chant all weekend. This is was how I managed to make it through without completely losing my sanity.

My test is Wednesday 11/7 and it can't come quickly enough.

I promised Aaron that I would not take an at home test this time after the frustration with the early miscarriage in August. I just can't put myself through that again, I am just going to wait to hear what the dr's office says and that's that.