Thursday, June 30, 2011

Consent Forms

Well today we signed all the final consent forms for the IVF. Talk about a scary moment as we read through all the potential issues that can come up from the medicine and the procedures themselves. We also had to sign that we agreed to have the eggs, sperm, or embryos frozen and they will be destroyed after 1 year or will stay as long as that's what we want to happen. We then had to both sign it and have a 3rd party person sign it stating that we have read through all the risks.

Someday we will be through all of this, right??? Someday this will all be part of the bigger story we tell our kids about how they came into our lives. Someday, we will be able to tell our kids how much mom and dad wanted them, that they went through hell and back to bring them into the family.

All of those "somedays" don't make me feel better right now - I am scared and ready to not be so scared anymore.

Wednesday, June 29, 2011

Countdown - 9 days to meds

9 days until I have to start injecting myself with meds and honestly, I am scared to death.

I am not sure what to do or how to do it, what if I do it wrong? AHHH! Great more stress to a stressful situation and I have no idea how to calm myself down.

We are going to orientation on the 7th (next Thursday) and they are supposed to go through everything - all the meds, how to inject, when to inject, etc. We are both very nervous about it all because it's so unknown, this is intense. Aaron is worried about giving me the injections when he has to, I am just worried that I am going to do wrong and screw it all up.

What I am hoping is that there are some people who are at the orientation who live around us that we can talk to about what's going on through the process. Our friends are great and supportive as much as they can be, but they do not know EXACTLY how we feel with this stuff. We don't know many people who have gone through IVF that are here for us to talk to when we need to and it will be great to be with people who are at the same point as us. I wouldn't trade my friends support for anything, but it's different with people who are going or have gone through the exact same thing.

The specialist's nurse called me today to tell me she was mailing out my calendar for IVF with the times and dates of things we have set up right now on it. She said it also has the dosages for the suppression meds to begin with until my first appointment with blood work and ultrasounds.

Wow this is really happening and we are getting close to starting now. Everyday that moves closer to the date, the more nervous I get and the more I want to talk about it all to talk out emotions. I also want to curl into a ball on my bedroom floor and cry a little everyday.

Talk about conflicting emotions.

Saturday, June 25, 2011

IVF Meds - Wow

So this is what approximately $3000 worth of IVF medicine looks like. This is just for one "fresh" cycle (in IVF speak - that means doing the medications to then retrieve eggs to be used immediately as opposed to "frozen" or ones that had been retrieved with another cycle.) It takes nearly 6 weeks of medicines to do ONE cycle. One of the medicines alone can average $2000. 

I had to order the medicine through a specialty pharmacy because I can't just go to the Walgreens down the street to get it. When I got home, I had to lay it all out to see what the deal with it all was and was instantly overwhelmed by the amount of medicine and supplies (it came in a shopping bag that rivals the local retail stores for large purchases)

I have to admit that it looks overwhelming and is a little scary all at the same time. We are excited of course, but DAMN...that's a lot of medicine.

Monday, June 20, 2011

2 Year Wedding Anniversary

Today is our wedding anniversary - we have been married for 2 years, but I can hardly believe how quick it has gone by.

2 years ago, I said "I do" to the man I almost didn't get to meet in life and it was the best day. we had people from 9 different states who came in for our wedding and it was a day full of much love and support from our loved ones. It was such a wonderful day and I couldn't be more thrilled to spend today remembering what a day it was for us.

I am the luckiest girl in the world to have a man beside me through all we have gone through in the past few years without a single change in his support. He is my best friend, the person I want to spend time with over anyone else, and the love of my life.

We knew from only a few weeks into our relationship that this was the real deal, although not everyone thought we should get so serious right away, clearly they were wrong. Something instantly felt different for both of us and we knew it was something very serious. We were living together before our 1st dating anniversary, became engaged just after that, and married after 2 years.

It has been the best relationship of my life and I wouldn't change it for anything.

Happy anniversary baby, I love you more today than I did the day we married. Here's to many more years together and the beginning to the next chapter of our relationship - becoming a family.

Sunday, June 19, 2011

Father's Day - always an interesting day

Father's day is not a day I am a fan of for a few reasons:

1. My father was not really around when I was growing up. He made the decision to not be in my life when I was a kid and I made the decision when I was old enough not to be involved in his life. Thinking of all the things that he missed out on when I hear the stories from other people who were fortunate enough to have good fathers in their lives makes me sad on Father's day.

2. 10 years ago today, Aaron's dad passed away. Yes, he actually died on Father's day specifically and this day always makes Aaron so sad. He doesn't talk about it much, really only a small amount in the past several years. Every year since we have been together, he keeps to himself doing his own thing. I don't bug him much because I know he doesn't want much attention from me today. He is still greatly grieving this loss even after 10 years and I don't want to push the issue. I am sad that I never got to meet him, I am told that we would have gotten along fantastically.

3. I wish we had a little one for him to celebrate him being a father now. Last year was hard with him knowing we were trying to get pregnant and it was Father's day. This year with it being the 10th anniversary of his passing and we are still not pregnant seems to make it even harder for him. I really hope that next year, we can turn this sad time into a more positive time for him. I know that he will be an amazing father and his dad would be so proud of the man, husband, son and friend he is now.

I hope to have a good memory to associate with this day next year.

Tuesday, June 14, 2011

Not much has changed

Still in the waiting phase - can I just say that this is an insane waiting period???? I feel like we have been building up to this for awhile now and the time for it all to get started is taking forever.

I have spent the last week or so getting caught up on everything from the time we didn't do anything. I did load after load of laundry (seriously - 11 loads in 2 days and I am still not completely done! YIKES! It makes me believe we have too many clothes, but I just can't bear to get rid of anymore) took 11 bags of stuff to Goodwill, cleaned the house, and worked on organizing things for our friend to move in this week.

It will be great to have her here. I know how it feels to go through a break up when you have been living together for awhile and you just need a place to get your feet back under you again. It will be nice for her to have a place with friends around her and some down time from the stress she has been under for awhile. She is going to stay for awhile to give herself time to save some money for a new apartment and where she wants to go from here. I know how that feels and am glad to help out someone who has been in the same situation as I have been.

Still waiting for the period to show up so we can get a schedule set up for the IVF stuff all ready. I just feel like we have been waiting an eternity right now between the waiting each month and the 20+ months we have been trying to get pregnant. Ugh...just tired of it and want it to end all ready.

Isn't 9 months long enough to wait for a baby???

Thursday, June 9, 2011

Not much to say

We are still in the waiting phase - waiting for the period to show up, waiting for the insurance to give clearance for everything, waiting to see how the meds will make feel. This is tougher than the waiting for 2 week wait from ovulation to my period only because there are so many more variables to the deal.

That's about all that's going on right now.

Thursday, June 2, 2011

IVF appointment

Yesterday was the big appointment and we both spent the day being very nervous/anxious for it.

First let me say that I love my RE - she is amazing when it comes to being down to earth and explaining things easily and answering all of our questions before we had a chance to ask them. She was great and sat down with us for about 40 minutes to explain it all to us.

Here is our plan:

-Wait for my period to show up on either the 17th or 18th
-Originally we were going to 3 weeks of suppression meds to keep my ovaries from releasing eggs, but after the RE looked at everything in my file, she wants to skip that step due to the family history of blood clots. Although I haven't shown any symptoms of developing them
-Will then start the stimulation meds for 10-12 days with multiple ultrasounds and blood draws to check hormone levels to get (hopefully) many good eggs
-Once they are happy with the eggs, we will do the withdrawal of as many eggs as possible - 30 minute procedure where I am knocked out - Aaron will make his deposit
-They will fertilize the eggs and monitor for 3 days
-After 3 days, check to see if there are any eggs showing fertilization. If there are 2 really good ones at that point, they will pull them and we will do the transfer. If there are a few, may wait 5 days and pull the 2 best ones - freeze the others for up to 1 year
-Transfer will take place (not much more complicated than IUI
-Wait 2 weeks to see if it implanted
-If no implantation - hopefully we will have more to try again

Both of us had to have STD blood work since it had to be within 1 year - which makes sense because they are dealing with human tissue. We have to attend an orientation about the injections and the whole process which we are going to do in the first week of July. Have to have a "trial transfer" which is them using the same equipment for the transfer and will measure the uterus to assure proper placement when the transfer is about to happen. Not so much looking forward to that part because I have had something close to it.

We have to wait to see what the 2 insurances will cover since we do have coverage to see what's going to be out of our pockets for all this because it has to be paid in full before the procedures. I got a call from the billing department today that both insurances are going to cover it, but I am just not going to know how much they will cover until they have been submitted and that should be done very soon. 

So that's pretty much it.

Dr said we are good candidates for IVF with Aaron's sperm count being so high on his sperm analysis as well as the 3 IUI's and that I was responding to the Clomid and Femara, I should respond to the meds well enough to have multiple eggs be able to retrieve so we could get multiple transfers without having to do all the injections all over again.