Tuesday, February 28, 2012

30 Day Blogging Challenge - Day #30 "Highs and lows of the month"

The highs of the month:

1. Spending some serious time with my favorite people - you all know who you are and I would not have survived this month without you in any capacity. You are all amazing and you make me a better person, a better wife, a better friend, and a better altogether human being. I love you more than words can say and you are the light in my life that keeps me going through my dark times. I look forward to all the fun we will have in the upcoming months/years.

2. Realizing that I enjoy this outlet - this challenge reminded me again about how I enjoy putting my thoughts and ideas out there - mostly so they are not in my head anymore. The more I have done this, the more I have realized I keep in too many things. My newer friends lately that I wrote about a few posts ago have helped me to realize how much I keep to myself. This has been the place this month for me to deal with some of the feelings as well as allowing me to have a topic when I need to be able to sit down and write.

The lows of the month:

1. Things I cannot write about here because it is not the place for the kind of outlet. I realize that I have written things here that are open and honest, but not all honesty is appropriate for all places and locations.

Monday, February 27, 2012

30 Day Blogging Challenge - Day #29: "My goal for the next 30 days"

It is simple as hell for me...survive the month and make it to spring break.

I just want it to be spring break so I can take an extended break to get my head on straight to get to the summertime.

Right now, I am working on my planning a vacation with my friends for Memorial Day weekend - it is my focus right now.

Sunday, February 26, 2012

30 Day Blogging Challenge - Day #28: "Something I miss"

Something I miss terribly is being so close to my friends like I was in college. It was great to be able to walk to see my friends any time I wanted to - that we could hang out all the time even if only for a minute at a time.

Growing up sucks - I want to be able to see my friends all the time. I would love to be able to see all the people I care about within just a few minutes.

Saturday, February 25, 2012

30 Day Blogging Challenge - Day #27: "A problem I have had"

A problem I have had lately is figuring out how to do what I love in a way that makes me proud again. I want to be proud of myself and how I live my life and I am working on figuring this out in order to do that again.

It's a journey and it sucks most of the time.

Friday, February 24, 2012

30 Day Blogging Challenge - Day #26: "The kind of person who attracts me"

This is very interesting because I was just having this conversation with my friend today.

I think there are different levels of attraction - there is of course the most obvious which is a sexual attraction, but there is also an attraction as a friendship. While I think these two things are separate there are some overlaps to appeal for me.

Romantic/sexual attraction for me is simple - I like dark hair (I have dated lighter hair, but most of my track record seems to lean the darker hair side), a good smile, smart eyes (color not so important), height is not so important (Aaron and I look eye-to-eye with each other but I have dated men as tall as 6-5), build not so important as long as there is some level of fitness involved so I know he is willing to take care of himself for the long haul. I love a guy who makes me laugh as well as think about things on a deeper level. I love a guy who challenges me when I need to be put in my place, but will still love me when I am at my most vulnerable. I love a guy who will tell me to shut up when I need to hear it but is quick to say I love you more than anything when I need to hear it as well. I love a guy who respects that I have LOTS of opinions and doesn't try to make me change mine to better suit his, he just accepts me as an opinionated person who is stubborn as hell and who is loyal often to a fault.

Friendship attraction for me is often the more complicated of the two. 

For me, I want friends of all shapes and colors. But their personality is what really attracts me to them. I want friends who want to laugh and joke, but know when to be serious. I want friends who tell the truth even if it hurts me to hear it because they know I value that over anything else. I want friends who are grown up enough to say that the childish crap that tends to happen is best left in middle school where it belongs. I am a friend who likes to cuddle with my friends (male and female) because I like to let them know they are important to me through physical contact. I like a friend who allows me to do things for them without expecting things in return just because I want them to know I am thinking of them. I want a friend who wants to be there for me when the shit gets hard, but is willing to do small things with me because they are just as important.

I do not let people into this inner place of my thoughts because I am scared of them seeing me that kind of vulnerable. I only have a small numbers of friends who are inside in this vulnerable place and the newcomers to this somehow managed to do it quicker than I could have ever predicted (you know who you are and you scare the hell out of me for reference). Most of my really good friends took years and much turmoil to become this close to me and I do not understand how they have managed to get there so quickly. It scares me - I have been told my whole life how closed off I am - but these 2 people I am referring to managed to do it quickly. Maybe it's a sign of growing up and maturing that I am being more open to more people at a faster rate, but it still scares the hell out of me on a constant basis.

Thursday, February 23, 2012

30 Day Blogging Challenge - Day #25 "Someone who fascinates you and why?"

Someone I am fascinated by are people who are willing to give up their children for adoption - the amount of strength it must take to know that you are doing the right thing, despite the fact this child will now be part of someone else's family is a person I would love to have a sit down conversation with to talk to about it all. I am 1000% in favor of adoption (whether giving or receiving), but I have not ever had a conversation with someone who has made the tough choice to put their child up for adoption. I can only imagine the struggle they must have gone through to make such a tough choice. I am grateful though that there are people who do it to give people like me a chance to be a parent when our own bodies will not allow it to be so.

Wednesday, February 22, 2012

30 Day Blogging Challenge - Day #24: "My favorite movie"

My favorite movie is:

I love it and it always makes me so happy even when I am super sad. I have loved it since it came out originally and it just makes me happy.

Tuesday, February 21, 2012

30 Day Blogging Challenge - Day #23: "5 men I find attractive"

My free 5 or top 5 (if you are a Friends watcher you know exactly what I am talking about!"

Monday, February 20, 2012

30 Day Blogging Challenge - Day #22: "How have I changed in the past 2 years?"

I feel as though I have changed quite a bit in the last 2 years - it is not all positive changes in my life.

1. I have let go of some people that were not positive in my life and for my life. I removed friends and others have just been pushed to the outside edge of my interactions with them because they cannot be able to support me and where I am going in my life.

2. I have done more deep soul searching about who and what I am in my all aspects of my life. The difficult times I have faced due to infertility and other areas have forced me to see how it all plays together into the bigger picture of who I am as a person. It has been quite a difficult journey and many tears have been shed over this journey - a journey that is still working it's way through.

Sunday, February 19, 2012

30 Day Blogging Challenge - Day #21: "One of my favorite shows"

One of my favorite shows is Criminal Minds. I love this show, this is the most amazing show in terms of everything I enjoy.

It is about learning why people do the things they do and what causes them to turn their behavior to the bad side of life. I enjoy watching the people on the show work through all the twists and turns of stories to figure out who did the terrible acts and why they did it.

I have always enjoyed learning about different people and why they do the things they do, so this show is directly related to that desire.

Saturday, February 18, 2012

30 Day Blogging Challenge - Day #20: "Beliefs on education"

As someone who is currently pursuing her 2nd Master's degree, I feel that education is essential to my life and hold its value very high. I will always be a life-long learner because I do not ever want to stop learning.

I think that learning new things is the best part of growing up.

Friday, February 17, 2012

30 Day Blogging Challenge - Day #19: "Disrespecting your parents"

Positively out of control right now with many in society.

Thursday, February 16, 2012

30 Day Blogging Challenge - Day #18: "My Beliefs"

My beliefs are strong and they are plainly posted on here for all to read. I don't think that I can be any more honest than I have been for all the time I have been posting.

Wednesday, February 15, 2012

30 Day Blogging Challenge - Day #17 "Highs and Lows of the last year"

Oh where to begin????

Highs -

1. My friends/family/co-workers who are my true strength - I am so grateful everyday for the people in my life, I can honestly say that without them, I would have been lost a long time ago. I do not take them for granted and appreciate them so much.

2. The relationship that has deepened between me and Aaron. Everyday we struggle so much sometimes, but instead of letting it get between us - we use it as fuel to make our relationship stronger. All of these things could have been the end of a relationship under the best of circumstances, any one of them let alone all of the things put together. He is the best person I know and I love him tremendously.

3. The closeness of my friends who have listened to everything we have gone through without getting frustrated at hearing the same issues time and time again. To my new friends that I am learning about, you are just as important to me as the people I have known for decades.

Lows -

Without question, the lowest points in the year were the failed inseminations and the failed IVF we went through in 2011. It was the most painful and personal thing I have ever been through and yet we are here now without the dream. It is a constant struggle for us to find a way to be positive as we move further and further into the journey to being parents. We are not closer than we were in November of 2009 when we started on our journey - yes that's a long time and we are acutely aware of it. I wouldn't wish this journey on my worst enemy (which apparently I have and that's been a whole separate low of the last year for me) because it tests every part of who you think you are and makes you change your perception of what you believe you can endure. I know I am strong, but I often wonder if I will hit a point where I simply cannot continue on any further. I am scared of that point and I have become completely and totally aware of where that point is in my life.

Tuesday, February 14, 2012

Valentine's Day

I love my husband...that is all.

30 Day Blogging Challenge - Day #16 "My view on mainstream music"

Mainstream music? What defines that? Is it everything that everyone else is listening to right now? It is what the music industry says it is the most popular thing or the #1 hit at the time?

People I do not understand:

1. Nicky Minaj - no explanation on this girl's crazy antics aside from she thinks she is Ke$ha or Lady Gaga only not as edgy or cool. And her music isn't that good...if you are going to be edgy or cool, at least back it up with good music.
2. Ke$ha - she just gets on my every nerve for no reason.

People I love:

1. Maroon 5 - Love me some Adam Levine, he can be quite a jerk personally - but musically, I adore him (and let's just face, he is gorgeous to look at!)
2. Glee cast - they are single-handedly bringing back songs and mixing them with interesting and contemporary songs.
3. Tim/Faith/Brad/Blake - love some country music superstars who just produce great stuff year after year. LOVE!!!

Monday, February 13, 2012

30 Day Blogging Challenge - Day 15: "Favorite tumblrs"

I do not follow any tumblrs. I have nothing to report with this one today

Sunday, February 12, 2012

30 Day Blogging Challenge - Day #14: "Earliest Memory"

My earliest memory is living in an apartment in Chicago with my sister, 2 brothers, and my mom. I was very sick sitting on the couch in ball but everyone was there to celebrate my birthday. I cannot remember which birthday it was just that I was very sick.

Saturday, February 11, 2012

30 Day Blogging Challenge - Day #13 " Somewhere you like to move or visit"

This is an easy choice for me.

I would love to move to St. Maarten - where Aaron and I went on our honeymoon. It was one of the most amazing places I have ever visited. I have traveled quite a lot in my life, but this place felt different and more relaxed.

We just talked about the idea of if we won the lottery that we would buy a home there and live there most of the year. Sounds amazing to me.

Friday, February 10, 2012

30 Day Blogging Challenge - Day 12: "Bullet your day"

My day:

  • Woke up at 6:20 am
  • Chatted with a friend who is having incredible difficulties right now
  • Took a shower
  • Put lotion on my tattoo that is now nearly healed :-)
  • Stopped for coffee and bought a lottery ticket ($325 million in Powerball - can't hurt!)
  • Drove to work
  • Ate my breakfast at my desk
  • Met with my department for a short meeting
  • Finished paperwork for a meeting today
  • Worked with a coworker on some technology questions I had
  • Printed all the paperwork for the meeting with a parent
  • Watched a video with my students on Native Americans and African Americans in the new frontier
  • Taught US History class
  • Had a meeting with a parent
  • Worked with my students on spelling
  • Worked with my students on reading instruction
  • Chatted with my coworker after school
  • Drove home with much work to be done this weekend
  • Hung out with my husband for a few while decompressing from the day
  • Worked on and completed my paper that is due for tomorrow
  • Ordered Chinese food
  • Graded all my students work
  • Entered all the grades into the online grade program
  • Read a chapter for my graduate class
  • Outlined the chapter
  • Outlined my paper that is due on Monday night
  • Watched 10 episodes of "Friends" while working on school work
  • Enjoyed a tasty beer while reading/outlining the chapter

Thursday, February 9, 2012

30 Day Blogging Challenge - Day 11 "First 10 songs that come on my iPod"

I am an eclectic musical person. The following showcase that

1. Adele "Rumor Has It"
2. Tim McGraw "Just to see you smile"
3. Cast of Rent "La vie Boheme"
4. Sugarland "Down in Mississppi"
5. Glee Cast "Don't Stop Believin'"
6. Local H "Toxic"
7. Maroon 5 "Ain't Gonna Leave This Bed"
8. Bare Naked Ladies "Call and Answer"
9. Dixie Chicks "Cold Day in July"
10. Kelly Clarkson "My Life Would Suck Without You"

That's hilarious!!!

Wednesday, February 8, 2012

30 Day Blogging Challenge - Day 10: "My first love and first kiss"

My first kiss was in kindergarten. The boy kissed me on my lips and then I promptly slapped his face! Haha! We both got in trouble for it for different reasons.

My first love was in high school. We met when I did statistics for the wrestling team and he was a wrestler on the team. We dated for nearly 2 years until I was about to graduate from high school. He was a good guy just we were young and of course he made mistakes. He cheated on me with other people and broke up with me at senior prom - but when I look back now, we were so young and not knowledgeable about many things. What we had when we had it was great and I wouldn't change a second of it, but it was a tough learning lesson at the time.

Tuesday, February 7, 2012

30 Day Blogging Challenge - Day 9 "How you would like your future toe be"

My future? It is an interesting question.

I am not sure what I feel our future in terms of my dreams. I know there are things we want to do, but I am not sure how we are going to get there. Our whole world just changed today with the changes to Aaron's job that came about today.

I do not feel that this unknown is necessarily a bad thing at all - it's kind of exciting to not know exactly what we are going to be doing for our future. It is a time where we get to make changes for the better in our relationship and in our lives.

I do know that Aaron and I will continue to grow as a couple together as we experience our way through all these new challenges we are going to continue to experience in the next several months of our lives.

For the second time in my life, we are walking into an unknown situation and it's an interesting thing for us. We will see where we can go from here!

Monday, February 6, 2012

30 Day Blogging Challenge - Day 8: "The moment when you felt the most satisfied with your life"

The moment I felt the most satisfied with my life was when I received my Master's degree in May 2008. I had worked really hard with it through getting a divorce and the chaos of my life. My whole family was in attendance for me to receive this degree and it was one of the most proud moments of my life. I had always wanted to get my Master's degree and it was one of the goals that I had not yet accomplished in my life.

Throughout my life there were certain goals I set for myself: 1 - to gain my bachelor's degree in education (completed that in 2002) 2 - get married (was accomplished by this time, but the marriage ended in 2007) 3 - to gain my Master's degree.

Sunday, February 5, 2012

30 Day Blogging Challenge - Day 7: "My zodiac sign and how it relates to me"

My sign is Scorpio:

"People born with the sun in Scorpio are very determined, reserved, tenacious and secretive. They are firm and somewhat proud, and capable of unmistakable traits of character that cause them to be either very much liked or very much disliked. Their somewhat suspicious nature causes them to be distrustful, but amidst all their apparent evil traits of character, they have that grit and backbone which enables them to make higher attainments than those born in the other signs ; For the "wisdom of the Serpent" lies concealed in this sign, and they become so discreet, wise and prudent as to display extraordinary genius. It has been said "the greater the animal the greater the man," and it may be that in the animal passions there lie the germs of the spiritual force, which, when sent upwards, may achieve great and mighty things. That which seemed latent will and desire in the sign Taurus becomes, in this sign, expressed energy. The Scorpio desires are potent and charged with the power to attain the object of their desires; but when their desires are subservient to the will, there are none more powerful or determined. In conclusion, it may be said that the Scorpio individuals that have reached the point that they decide their own future, progress."

I think there are many aspects of this that are true.

I have been told that I am determined and tenacious. I set my mind to things and do everything in my power to make it happen. I tackle obstacles and make it happen. I stick my heels in the ground and do not give up until I have what I want. Is this always a good thing? Hell no. Has it been the cost of a few important relationships in my life? Absolutely. Would I change any part of it? Hell no.

I am reserved - I have been told time and time again that I do not let people inside to the private part of me. It is more than just what I write here, to my inner-most thoughts that really just scare the hell out of me. It is about the way I protect certain parts of my life from others because I do not want them to be in it until I am ready for it. It is about the stupid metaphorical walls I am told I put up on certain subjects to which some have never come down and I am not sure they ever will. I have always heard about these walls and I get tired of hearing about how they will always be there, well that's the way I am.

As my tag line on my blog - "Take me as I am, who I was meant to be. And if you give a damn, then take me baby or leave me."

Saturday, February 4, 2012

30 Day Blogging Challenge - Day 6: "30 Interesting Facts About Me"

30 interesting fact about me is very similar to a previous post I did when I hit 100 posts on this blog, but I will update to 30 different interesting facts about me.


1. I am an incredibly sensitive person - I get my feelings hurt easily, have a difficult time forgiving those who have hurt me, and the things they say tend to stay with me for an incredibly long time.

2. I love to read true crime books, cheap and easy romance novels, and historical fiction novels.

3. I have an incredible tolerance for alcohol (as I have previously stated in another post), it drives most of my friends crazy that I can drink more than them and not still manage to alert and attentive the next morning.

4. I love breakfast food, just usually not for breakfast. My favorite is French toast with powdered sugar.

5. If I had to give up my Dr. Pepper on a permanent basis, I might get hostile. Even when I am hopefully pregnant, I can still have some just not everyday and all the time.

6. I LOVE the TV show "Friends," "Sex and the City," "Criminal Minds," "That 70's Show," "CSI: NY," "Grey's Anatomy," and have all their seasons on DVD. Yes, I do watch them and can quote most of them nearly every word for word.

7. I love my job, but it is stressful and sometimes, I wonder if I am doing the best I can for both my students and my co-workers. I devote lots of time to both of those areas and worry constantly that they think badly of me.

8. I have wanted to be a mother my whole life - I never knew that it was going to be such a struggle for me to have my dream, but I work on keeping up hope. It is difficult to keep the faith month after month, but I am working on it.

9. I love to cook - it makes me happy and calm. I love to play with tastes and textures of food. Aaron says I am quite the good cook to the point he trusts me to make anything without questions. When I was in a bad place not so long ago, I didn't want to cook at all and it made me sad as hell.

10. I am incredible procrastinator. I will wait until the last possible second to do something because I work better under pressure. I enjoy having a deadline to keep my decision-making to a minimum, I have less time to make choices and mull over the options until I am blue in the face and I appreciate that.

11. I am a football-loving girl - just am. I will scream at the television, call the call on TV before it happens, spend hours talking with my husband about useless statistics and tidbits of information, spending my Thursdays, Sundays, and Mondays watching the game. Everyone can think what they want about it, it is some of the best times in my life sitting on the couch with my husband watching football. I love it. Our family even knows not to call on Sundays unless it is an emergency.

12. I hate math. HATE. HATE. HATE. I was good at math in school, I just despised it completely and it was really the only class I ever had to put forth large amounts of effort to do well in.

13. I am fully aware of my IQ is, which sounds simple and that many people would know that. However, the truth is that most people do not know it. My IQ is 120 (the average range is 85-115). I do not feel as though it makes me a better person than anyone else, it's just interesting to know.

14. Purple is my favorite color. I have loved it since I was a child and now I have it permanently tattooed on my right foot.

15. Speaking of my tattoo - it is a permanent reminder of what I think about the people in my life. It is an infinity symbol with the word love in it. Aaron says it is completely appropriate because once I love people, I love them forever. I love looking at it and thinking of those in my life who are the most important to me.

16. I am terrible at balancing my checkbook. Hate it, believe it goes directly back to my hatred of math.

17. I am fantastic at wrapping presents, always have been. I used to wrap the family presents as a child and now I do it for our Christmas presents. I find it to be relaxing and I enjoy making things pretty.

18. Some of the most important people in my life may not have any idea exactly how I feel about them specifically and I need to work more on letting them know exactly why I love them the way I do.

19. I hate cleaning our house. I hate it. I would rather do anything else EVER.

20. Laundry is my least favorite chore to get done and I prefer to just forget it all together and buy new clothes rather than wash the ones I own.

21. Color pens make me happy. I write in different colors all the time just because I feel it is fun.

22. My favorite animal is a Cocker Spaniel and I cannot wait to have one of my own again.

23. I have had terrible luck with cars. I have been the not so proud of owner of 6 cars in my life. 4 of them were withing a year and half span of time.

24. Wonder from time to time how my life would have been different if I had not made the choices I have made. Particularly when I was in college.

25. I love to change the color of my hair to anything and everything. I get bored and cut it, color it, layer it, or just let it grow out. It's just hair and it will grow back eventually.

26. I love to play on the computers but tend to gravitate to the same topics time and again.

27. I am still friends with people from when I was young and although we may live far away from each other - I could call them up today and know it was the same as it was the last time we talked without questions.

28. My favorite movie ever is Princess Bride and that won't ever change. It is the movie I watch when I am sad and in need of getting calmer.

29. I am often angry at the amount of people who get to have children without ever struggling for even a month and wanting it so badly that you feel like your heart will explode while waiting to find out if this is your month. I do not want people to suffer, but I feel as though it would make them more understanding to my situation.

30. I love my husband more everyday and I am so proud that he chose me to be his wife and future mother of his children. It brings me to tears almost every time I think about it and no one will ever understand until it happens to you.

Friday, February 3, 2012

30 Day Blogging Challenge - Day 5 "Your thoughts on suicide"

Okay super sensitive subject for many people whether you have firsthand experienced a loved on committing suicide or had those thoughts yourself. This blogging challenge is jumping into the deep end of the ocean pretty darn quick, considering it is only Day 5.

So, I have had too much experience with this - I personally think one time of any kind of experience (thoughts yourself, a loved one, or in my case - a student) is enough to permanently change how you view mental illness that can cause suicidal thoughts. I have had the unfortunate experience of having a loved one and a student commit suicide and both were equally devastating in very different ways.

My loved one - a rough story that dates back to when I was just a small girl. Do I know what lead up to it? Only a little, my family was wonderful about keeping many of the details to themselves and only telling my 9 year old self what I could understand at that time. I am grateful for that looking back. Now, as an adult, I know more about the situation leading up to the suicide and I am often sad that he felt it was what he needed to do in order to end his suffering.

My student - I was in my first teaching job at a middle school. I had an 8th grade study hall with a student in it who was struggling. Despite all the efforts of the school, her family, and her friends - she still felt this was the way to deal with her problems. She had some medical issues that were leading her to this and though the family chose to not talk about it afterwards, it must have been so painful. For someone at age 14 to think the only way to end her suffering was to hang herself is devastating. I came into my class after the funeral and saw the empty seat where this beautiful young girl had sit everyday for the rest of the year with a sense of deep sadness. The students around here struggled with the why and we had to be careful as professionals to make sure they received the support they needed as they dealt with the loss of their friend.

Suicide affects more people than just those actually committing it. The families are left to sort through the pieces of event leading up to it and struggle with the "what ifs." What if I had seen the signs sooner? What if I had forced them to get help? What if, what if, what if. They can be consuming and incredibly devastating - the troubles last for years after the person has passed away. The guilt of the surviving people can often overwhelm the survivors. I have seen it happen to people, they close away all happiness in their lives because they feel as though that part of their life is over. It is hearbreakingly sad.

My suggestion is if it is even a question of does someone feel that way, to get as much help as you can as quickly as you. Even if they fight you along the way, it may save their life.

Thursday, February 2, 2012

30 Day Blogging Challenge - Day 4: "Your view on religion"

Okay, disclaimer - these are MY views and MY views only. I do not want to be preached at or judged for what I say. I do not judge others based on their views of religion and I just ask for that in return.

In terms of organized religion, I am not always a fan this because some people just go to church just to say they are going to church. They do not really believe what they are going for and follow through with any of the teachings of whatever religious belief they may have. They got to church because they want other people to see them going to church, it's not because they believe what they are there for in the end. Now, is this everyone - no and I know that. However, in my experiences with organized religion I have seen it more than I care to admit.

Now faith is a separate story for me. I have a deep faith. I have faith in there being a reason we go through what we do and that someday in the future, we will find out what that reason is. I have faith that being a bad place now can lead to being in a good place in the future. I have to have faith that things will work out or I would not be able to get my brain to think about doing IVF again. That is such a huge test of faith, and psyching myself up to do it again takes all the willpower and faith I can muster.

Wednesday, February 1, 2012

Interesting class, but not for academic reasons

So as some know, I am getting my 2nd Master's degree. It's not something I brag about because I don't feel like it needs to be made into a big production. I am lifelong learner and sometimes, a glutton for punishment by subjecting myself to additional levels of work when I don't need another degree. Either way, I still enjoy it.

Anyway, I was in class tonight talking with some of the lovely girlies who have become the people who make the tediousness of classes much more bearable. I found out one of them had recently suffered a miscarriage and I immediately knew how shitty that feels having had one myself. Hers was a similar case to ours but it doesn't make it hurt any less than it would to anyone else. It got me to thinking about a few things, so here is one of my lists I tend to make to organize my thoughts:

1. The phrase, "we were not even trying" needs to be eliminated from the English language because it is hurtful and lame to say to anyone. It is never an intentional sentence, people tend to say it before they really think about what they have said. However, it's impact on a person struggling to have a family is heartbreaking. It makes their journey feel insignificant in the scheme of things because they were trying and still not successful.

2. There are so many people who are struggling with this in silence. I think back to when we started our journey and how there was no one for us to talk to about what we were feeling and how unbelievably frustrating it was for both of us. That is why I started this blog originally, to have a safe place to vent and get out all of the feelings I had inside me that had no where to go. As soon as she and I started talking, it was amazing how many other people around us started to chime in about their experiences. There were 4-5 people in just a few tables in class who were all struggling with starting or continuing a family. I hope she felt better after we talked because she said she felt so alone, dearie...sadly, you are not alone in a significant way. There are so many of us struggling with this, and unfortunately, many of us are suffering in silence.

3. There is a serious level of ignorance about infertility. I guess if you have never had to be in the place to experience it, why would you voluntarily do so? Hell, I am in it up to the tips of my hair and toes and I surely don't want to be in it. I think asking questions is a wonderful way to get information, but please tread with some sensitivity - it is sometimes tough to talk about even when we really really want to talk.

4. I am genuinely curious as why so many people in my generation are having these problems? I am not sure if it is because it was not reported by many people due to the veil of silence and shame that seems to surround the whole thing or just simply because the technology to assist hasn't been around so long the doctors have generations worth of information on the subject? It is just a very curious thing and I would love to know more about it.

I hope that just knowing there are more people out there that are going through things they are will help them to find a small sense of peace in the hurricane that is infertility.

I found this on the another person's page and it is amazing. It may not make sense to everyone but it definitely made sense to me.

30 Day Blogging Challenge - Day 3 "Opinion on drugs and alcohol"

Drugs and alcohol are hot topics amongst many people. Some people feel as though both should be illegal due to the ability of access to them which can lead to addiction and excess. However, I feel as though if you as an adult make the decision to do either of these things, then you need to be able to accept the consequences (positive or negative) that are attached to them.

Drugs - I am not one who has tried drugs. I have an incredibly low tolerance for pain meds, so it has made me weary of doing any kind of drugs. As my husband says, anything more than extra strength Tylenol and I have to be cautious. This is sadly not far from the truth. I have just chosen to avoid it because I know how my body will react, not something I willing to risk. Secondly, as a teacher, I feel it would set a terrible example for my students. I know that I am not their sole influence, but should be trying to set a better example than most of their influences.

Alcohol - I do enjoy the adult beverage, but again in a responsible fashion. I know my limits and try desperately to stay within those limits. However, that does not mean that I will not over-indulge from time to time as long as I know that I have someone to make sure that I am safely home. I know without a doubt that it would be simple to fall into a pattern of drinking to excess, particularly when under an enormous about of stress. It is something I have be aware of while drinking. I do have the annoying habit of not having many hangovers in my life (not to say that I haven't pushed the boundaries of drinking where I should have had a hangover but do not.) which annoys the hell out of most of the people in my friend circle who are not as fortunate.

For me, I think it is about knowing your limitations and knowing what consequences you are or are not willing to accept. That is not to say though that I have not been part of an intervention to help friends who are struggling with drug/alcohol addiction, unfortunately I have been and they make my heart hurt. I think about the idea of being trapped in a place where the addiction has taken over your life and how awful that must be - pain beyond anything I can imagine. But, I will always stand by my friends and love them when they struggle to love themselves because they have done it for me in different circumstances.