Monday, November 29, 2010


I have decided that my body hates me.

I finally felt better from the stupid Metformin, then I wake up Saturday with swollen glands. Really???? Come on all ready!! I am on antibiotics and have to go for another follow up appointment on Friday. I went today after going to urgent care yesterday and she said that she doesn't see anything immediate aside from the swelling. She wants to see how the antibiotics work for a few more days before getting too excited and nervous. I felt better after that because it did make me worried, if she thought there was a major issue she would have sent me for more testing.

I really wish my body would get it together all ready. The doctor said she wouldn't be surprised if suddenly slowing down after everything wasn't contributing to part of the issue and my glands were just quickly responding. I guess we will see what happens. It does feel somewhat better than it did yesterday, so we will see what happens.
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Thursday, November 25, 2010


Thanksgiving has always been one of my favorite holidays - I think in part because my birthday was always so close to it, so it just feels like an extension of my birthday, but also because it means getting together to talk about why you are thankful for the people in your life.

I want to take a second to describe why:

My husband - There are not enough words to describe how thankful and grateful I am for him. It took me 26 years to find him and realize that I was worth all the love, I never take it for granted that he wants to be with me.

My family (through birth, through marriage, and through life) - These are the people who have seen me through so many difficult times in my life with unbelievable strength and love. I wouldn't be where I am today if it weren't for them.

My friends (the 2nd family) - The people I enjoy spending time with when I need a release from my life. They are the ones I just want to spend time with and am happy to have them in my life!

My co-workers - These people make the craziness of teaching easier to manage and more fun to do everyday.

Today is a good day.

Tuesday, November 23, 2010

I hate Metformin

This stupid medicine that I have been on sucks...

It was recently doubled and it all ready has serious gastrointestinal side effects at the lower dosage I was on, so this new dosage is ROUGH on my body! I know that it's going to help increase our chances of a successful pregnancy, but damn this is quite a bit to deal with. I know it will be worth it in the end, I just hope I can survive the road there.

I cannot wait until this medicine is not part of my everyday routine. I have been up for 2 1/2 hours since my latest bout of issues and I am just finally starting to feel somewhat better. I "might" be able to get some sleep soon.

Sunday, November 21, 2010

The best day with the best people

I found out over the past few days exactly how loved I am and it brings me nearly to tears (I know, sentimental and softy!). I had over 80 people leave me messages on Facebook, and 10 cards in the mail from all over the country. Then last night, I was floored by the number of people who came to my birthday party....I am so lucky.

My dear friend Robyn came down from Wisconsin, then Aaron conspired with my mom for her and one of my oldest friends Rene to come down as a surprise for my birthday. I couldn't have been more clueless that they were coming. It was wonderful to have them here.

We had about 20 people at bowling which was so much fun, who doesn't love acting insane and being goofy with your friends while bowling?? Even the expectations of that were overthown by the hijinks that most definitely went on

Then came the karaoke....need I say more?? It's so much to laugh at the bad singers and enjoy the fun of being together. It was great and we had people stay until it was time to close it down at 2 am!! I think they need to come up with a new word to describe the fun we had - fun doesn't cut it at all!

I do not take for granted that these people are in my life and I very much appreciate all of them.

Saturday, November 20, 2010

A great day that will be made even better

This is the first birthday in a long time that I was actually looking forward to having.

Aaron took me out to a great dinner last night just the two of us. It was nice to have a little bit of time for us before we are with all of our friends tonight. Tonight will be amazing - silly bowling fun with friends (reminder and tribute to good old hometown, bowling all the time!) and just good times!! I am so excited!

So far, 30 feels pretty good! :-)

Thursday, November 18, 2010

30??? BRING IT ON!!

Well 2 days past HSG and I feel like a human again. Thank God! Pretty much within the time frame they told me I was back to my normal self. No more lying on the bed feeling like my abdomen was going to burst as in the scene from Aliens when the alien jumps out.

This is great because this weekend - Saturday to be specific, I turn 30!! I am so excited about it! I know many people do not want to get older, but I really love it.

I think I am better now than I was at any point in my life before this.

I have the love of my life, great friends, a wonderful job and co-workers, and an amazingly crazy family that never ceases to surprise me! I also have accomplished so many of the goals I had for myself by this age:

1. I wanted to be in the career I always wanted to be in (check)
2. I wanted to be with a man who I could love and would love me unconditionally (check)
3. I wanted to have my Master's Degree (check)
4. I wanted to own my home (check)
5. I wanted to have my own family (no check :-( but we are working on it)

I think I am doing pretty well. I know that being a parent will happen for us and that it will work out the way it was meant to in the end. We may only be able to have one, but we will get there.

This weekend will be awesome: I have my book club tomorrow night, then dinner with the great husband - Saturday now includes a visit from a great old friend, then bowling with the friends - Sunday involves lunch with this friend and then onto the Rams game for a great game! WOOHOO! I can't wait for it!

30 doesn't scare me, I think it will be my best decade yet!

I have learned so much about myself and the amount of strength it takes to go through this rough process. I never knew I was so strong before and that's saying something coming out the other side of a divorce. Even then, I didn't know I could endure so much emotional (and physical) struggle to accomplish a goal without giving up. I think it's my good old Irish stubbornness as my mom would say that keeps me going from month to month, test to test.

To everyone who is apart of my life - this weekend is a celebration of you in my life helping me get here! I love you!

Tuesday, November 16, 2010

HSG & vaccines = rough day

I had the HSG yesterday and it was rough. They had issues with the catheter staying in the correct place and had to switch it out a few times (talk about OUCH!) before they could get the dye to stay in place. So the procedure should have taken about 5 minutes ended up taking about 25 minutes. By the end of it, I just wanted it to be done with all ready and was rather crampy all night. I don't think it would have been so bad if they hadn't had issues with the equipment.

They said that they didn't see anything that was blocking it, but I will have the final results in the next few days.

I did talk to my RE to let them know that I got vaccine and I asked them to explain to me about the 30 day waiting period. The nurse (who is wonderful at answering questions) said she had the same thing happen to her and then the waiting period was 3 months after getting the shot before trying to get pregnant! I am glad that's not the case! She said because in this shot, they inject a little of the live virus and they want to make sure it's all set because it can cause complications in the pregnancy and potential for miscarriage. They didn't want to take any chances with complications if we could possibly prevent it. I just wanted the reason why and now I feel better about it, it's done anyway so we are now in the 30 day countdown!!

So the plan is to get through this cycle, start the Letrazole and then hopefully be able to the first IUI right before Christmas. The only issue is that I may be ovulating right around Christmas Eve or Day and they are not open then. We will have to see though how it works. I am not sure how this cycle is going to go because I am not on Clomid so I am not sure if my body is going to continue on track or not.

Sunday, November 14, 2010

Home from Colorado

Well we are leaving this afternoon to come home. Colorado has been it's own kind of fun, but I am ready to be home.

Don't get me wrong, I love Aaron's family very much. But 4 straight days is along time with anyone!!! We need a break from each other because it's been such close quarters we are just getting on each other's nerves.

The wedding was beautiful and I will update with pictures soon. I have to get packed to head home soon!!

Wednesday, November 10, 2010

I am about to go completely POSTAL!

So I am pretty angry right now.

I talked to my doctor about the blood work results, everything is in the normal range - which is good and I am glad it is.


They also tested me for rubella to see if I still had the antibodies, apparently they can diminish over the course of your life after you have the MMR shot as a child. I have to get one - here's where I am pissed. When I get it, which my doctor wants me to have immediately....I have to avoid pregnancy or trying to get pregnant for 30 days!!!!!!!! Seriously????? Some kind of sick joke.

I know it's the for good of everyone, etc in the logical part of my brain. BUT the non-logical (and at the moment sincerely loud part of my brain) just wants to scream! That means if I get the shot in the next week (I will have to wait until we get back from Colorado since we leave first thing in the morning), that this cycle is out after the HSG, and so that put me to the end of December before we can even TRY!!!!

NOT FAIR!! Why does this stupid crap keep happening that sets us back further and further from our dream????

Then we have to deal with the change in insurance and I may have to get a new RE and start this freaking process all over again.

I am so angry.

I really truly want to throw myself on the floor and have a temper tantrum right now (again, I said the non-logical part of my brain is running the show at the moment).

I am going out to dinner with a friend tonight and I think it's going to be at least a 2 drink kind of dinner. I really just want to cry.

It really doesn't help that I found out that a former student (graduated 2 years ago) just had her second kid and they are living off the system. Another student just found out she is pregnant. It just makes me more sad.

I think the break of going to Colorado this weekend may help me some...I really hope so because I am  not feeling very great about much right now. At least I can get all fancy-dressed and pretty, see a beautiful wedding between people who love each other very much, and have some serious non-TTC sex with my husband after having too many drinks at the wedding. That sounds like the perfect recipe to help me right now.

Monday, November 8, 2010

When it rains, it pours

Thought of the day - why is it when you are busy you are so busy you can barely keep it all straight, but when you have nothing going on, it's pretty profound???

The next few weeks are so insane I am all ready holding my breath to survive!

This week: aside from normal work stuff
1. Aaron's testing is Thursday morning on our way to the airport
2. Heading to Denver for Aaron's cousin Dane's wedding, which is getting through airport security - ick
3. Thursday night - getting our rental car, getting checked in to the hotel, heading to the rehearsal dinner
4. Friday - get wedding present for the wedding since we didn't want to have to worry about the present getting smashed packed in luggage, evening wedding!
5. Saturday - brunch with the newlyweds
6. Getting home and ready for the week with only a few hours to do so!

Upcoming week:
1. Rescheduled parent meeting first thing Monday morning
2. HSG scheduled for Tuesday afternoon
3. Book club with 2 books I haven't read a page of yet!
4. 30th birthday celebration!!!! :-)
5. Rams football game

THEN - it's getting ready for our first Thanksgiving in our new home for 10 people! YIKES!!

So incredibly busy!!

Wednesday, November 3, 2010

Plan set up - let's get going all ready!!!

Okay, back from the RE....minus 5 vials of blood they withdrew before I left the office.

Step #1 - Aaron is to get to a sperm analysis (he is on board with this) - will probably be done next week. We are supposed to head out to Colorado for his cousin's wedding and we are going to see if he can get it done that morning before we leave since he doesn't have any more time off work until his vacation days roll over in January.

Step #2 - I am going to have an HSG when we get back from Colorado (has to be done between cd 5-10, cd 5-6 are when we are still in Colorado.) Just have to work out the details with the fertility clinic my RE works out of and make a plan with MIL to take me since Aaron can't take anymore time off work and I don't feel comfortable going by myself.

Step #3 - If those come back clear or my tubes become clear from HSG, we are going to start Letrozole and IUI. The great thing is this clinic does IUI Mon-Sat! Makes life much easier. This gives us a 5-8% chance of conceiving and we can do this for 3-6 months.

Step #4 - this part may be optional depending on how we feel about continuing IUI. We can switch to injectable meds and IUI. This gives us a 8-15% chance of conceiving. The issue is the injectable meds tend to have more side effects and are touchy - this will have to be something we consider.

Step #5 - IVF - 50-60% chance of conceiving. If we are going to do the injectables, we may as well consider this one. Would need really close monitoring and it's quite a process.

So that's that. I am glad we have a plan worked out and can get stuff done. I am ready to get it all going!!!

Tuesday, November 2, 2010

Tomorrow is a big day - hello Reproductive Endocrinologist

I am nervous for tomorrow. I have filled out my HUGE packet on background information, so I am as ready as I can be.

I am trying not to be nervous in a bad way - trying to tell my brain to stop thinking of all the bad things they could tell me and to focus on the more positive. That is the hardest thing in the whole world for me right now - I am notorious for jumping to the worst case scenarios! Part of me is worried sick that they are going to do exams on me, testing on Aaron, and tell us that there is nothing they can do for me. After this whole year of trying, that would be so disheartening.

Wish us luck - blogger land!