Sunday, June 20, 2010

1 year and couldn't be stronger

Today is our 1 year wedding anniversary...amazing to think of all the changes that have happened to us in this year:

1. Started the TTC process - ick to it taking so long
2. Bought our home and started making it our own
3. Grown so much closer together than I thought possible

When I think back to a year ago and where we were in terms of our relationship, we have come so far together.

I am thrilled with my life, he is the most amazing person in the whole world and I am so fortunate to have him be my partner, my friend, and my love. I couldn't have had anyone better with me on this crazy journey and he makes me happy every day.

Thursday, June 10, 2010

This one was crappy

This cycle was just awful to come to a close.

I am in Iowa with my friend who is due any day. Her husband is traveling during the week for his job and I am keeping her company. Don't get me wrong I am thrilled to be here and that I can be here. But, I want this...I want the about to give birth anticipation. When is it going to happen? When do I get to meet the little one I have been nurturing for months? Who do they look like? And being here makes me think about that more and more.

When I woke up this morning with my period again, I have to say that my heart broke just a little. I sat on the chair in her living room and cried. She felt so awful that she got up and came to comfort me. She doesn't know what I am going through and God love her for trying to make me feel better, but she really doesn't know how it feels. She felt so bad that she threw a blanket over her belly so I didn't have to see her 9 month pregnant belly. It's not her fault and I am not angry at her for being pregnant and I am not. I would never want to deny my friend's their happiness in life, I just simply want to know when it's my turn to feel all of those things? It's not a hard question, just one I am not sure when I will have the answer to - 6 months? 1 year? When?

I think this is a sign of things to come, people trying to comfort me without knowing how to and how am I going to deal with this?