This cycle was just awful to come to a close.
I am in Iowa with my friend who is due any day. Her husband is traveling during the week for his job and I am keeping her company. Don't get me wrong I am thrilled to be here and that I can be here. But, I want this...I want the about to give birth anticipation. When is it going to happen? When do I get to meet the little one I have been nurturing for months? Who do they look like? And being here makes me think about that more and more.
When I woke up this morning with my period again, I have to say that my heart broke just a little. I sat on the chair in her living room and cried. She felt so awful that she got up and came to comfort me. She doesn't know what I am going through and God love her for trying to make me feel better, but she really doesn't know how it feels. She felt so bad that she threw a blanket over her belly so I didn't have to see her 9 month pregnant belly. It's not her fault and I am not angry at her for being pregnant and I am not. I would never want to deny my friend's their happiness in life, I just simply want to know when it's my turn to feel all of those things? It's not a hard question, just one I am not sure when I will have the answer to - 6 months? 1 year? When?
I think this is a sign of things to come, people trying to comfort me without knowing how to and how am I going to deal with this?