I had decided long before high school that I wanted to be a teacher and wanted to go to away to college to have the full experience at school. When I received my acceptance letter to my first choice college in fall semester of senior year, I was done looking at where to go.
I loved college! I joined a sorority barely a month into freshmen year and met some of the greatest girls in the world. I had to work part-time on and off-campus to have spending money or pay the bills. As the years went on, I had to include working in local classrooms into my schedule to get experience in the classroom for being a teacher. Again, I loved being busy. I was friends with many guys in a fraternity on campus and really enjoyed spending time with the guys; it was like having a group of brothers looking out for me all the time.
Unfortunately, as many people in college do, I made mistakes in dating people.
I had a relationship that was abusive - emotionally. I stayed in it too long and it nearly turned violent.
He was 4 1/2 years older than me, I thought he was good looking, smart, and a nice guy. It was great at first to have someone pay so much attention to me, I didn't realize at first how bad it was going to become. He made me his entire world, everything revolved around us being together, he wanted a commitment from me almost immediately of the two of us being together forever. He bought me a commitment ring that he always checked to see if I was wearing.
He had a hard time with the fact that I was not in our hometown for college and he couldn't be around me all the time. He would call multiple times a day and if I had talked to other guys even for class related things, he would freak out. "Listen little girl, you don't need to be socializing with those other men. They are only looking to get you in bed and since you are with me, you don't need to hang out with them." When you are 18, it's exciting to have someone dote on you have a level of jealousy that he might lose you...but then it got to be I had to check in with him or he would call me and yell at me.
After just over a year, I became pregnant. I all ready knew that point that I was going to leave him because the idea of being tied to him for the rest of my life was an unbearable thought. He took no responsibility in the situation, he made me tell his parents - I was so scared. The pregnancy came to an end after a few months due in part because of an infection I had and I saw this as my way to escape away from him because I was now convinced that the relationship was going badly.
I finally told him I couldn't be with him anymore. He FREAKED out!! He screamed, swore, threatened to kill himself, he even called my mom and told her she needed to talk some sense into her daughter (Really? He thought she was going to side with him...she HATED him!). When my semester ended and I came home, I had to face him. He yelled in my face, blocked me up against the wall until his parents came in the room pulled him away.
He even went so far as to try to push past my mother into our house when he went over to talk to me (for the 300th time) because he didn't believe that I wasn't actually at home. He would follow me when I would go out with my friends (I stopped driving my car and always had them pick me up). He would show up where we were, we even went so far as to have random guys come over by us because we didn't want to worry about being by ourselves!
What I have learned since leaving this relationship is I am a strong person, who removed myself from a rough situation. All of the actions afterward tell me that I made the right choice because I know it would have become a physically violent relationship.
Hello rebound relationship.
I didn't know it at the time, but he was my rebound from the abusive relationship. He was kind of a bad boy: drove fast sports cars, smoked cigarettes, had tattoos, and seemed so different than the other guys I had know.
We had fun driving in his cars and the sex was great...but real relationship potential???? Nope. I wanted there to be more than there was, but when I returned to school, he cheated on me. He said he wanted sex so he just did it with someone. I don't think he had any way of knowing that I was over the relationship at that point and was really looking forward to some alone time after being in a relationships for the better part of 4 years.
Of the fraternity guys I knew, there was one that was different. I thought he was funny, good looking, smart, and was all ready friends with many of my sorority sisters. We started to spend time together just friendly toward each other, he had just gotten out of a relationship and was looking for someone to go with to his fraternity formal to just have a good time with, so I agreed. We spent time together quite a bit then one night the week before his formal, he kissed me.
From that point forward, we were inseparable and for the next several years he was the one person I wanted to talk to everyday.
However, it was not for us to stay together. I wonder now if we were every truly in love...or if we just thought we were supposed to be. We got married in 2004 and were divorced in 2007. It's amazing what changes you go through from 20 to 26, and I think we fell victim to those changes. Before we knew it, the marriage was over and we just kept going thinking it was going to get better. It never did and I chose to leave because I knew there was more out there for me.