Thursday, December 9, 2010

Waiting, Waiting, Waiting - Is this seriously a test of will power and determination????

The longer I am in this process the more I wonder if this just a test.

You know: This is a test, this is ONLY a test. In the event of a real fertility situation, immediate and adequate medical intervention would work on the VERY first time. 

Wouldn't that be amazing if it were true?

I have spent a long time thinking about this subject (yes, I am aware that it makes me borderline, if not completely obsessed) and I have to wonder: "Is this whole process a giant test to see if Aaron and I can survive it? And if we survive it, we will be rewarded with a family that we so desperately desire. It seems sometimes as though this is just a test of will power to continue going and determination to not quit before we reach our goal.

As Aaron and I have officially met the 12 month time line (more in terms of cycles - this is now 14 because in some months I had 2 cycles. One finish and one begin.) it has become a matter of sheer will to have a family. I think although the last year has been so difficult in terms of the emotional investment from one month to the next, it has brought Aaron and I closer together. We have had to talk about incredibly personal things (seriously - what husband wants to hear about the intimate working the female body and then be required to have sex on specific days??? Or what wife wants to hear about her husband having to go for a sperm analysis???) Plus to be actively trying on our own, we have had to maintain a healthy sex life (I know TMI - but oh well, it's part of the program) in the first year plus of our marriage when the honeymoon is over and reality of married life sets in.

We will see what the RE says in a few days about starting the next cycle...maybe a New Year's baby is in our future.

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