Saturday, January 29, 2011

Relationships - gut-checking realizations

I have spent some time today thinking about the friendships/relationships in my life. Just today, 2 people that I was once very close with have gotten married and I wonder, am I sad that I wasn't there?

The honest answer is yes/no.

I will start with the easy one - yes. Yes, I am sad that I am not there to be part of their special day, to see the joy that comes on the wedding day and experience the love they feel. That's what weddings are about - sharing in the obvious joy that two people feel for one another. I am happy for them if this is what they want in their lives and I don't wish them one second of ill will about their marriages.

The trickier answer for me is the no. No, I am not sad that I am not there because there were serious issues in both relationships that could not be mended through the fault of one person or the other. There is a reason we are not close anymore, maybe it was me, maybe it was them, or maybe it was chemistry of the friendship together that made it not work.

This got me thinking - about people I have been friends with forever, people whom I have known a few years, those I have met just recently, and those who are no longer part of my life. All of these people are in my life for whatever length of time it may be for a reason. Do I know why? Maybe. Do I want to find out why? Maybe. Is it the most important thing? No.

But as I look back on my friendships and relationships in my life (very pensive for 30 - isn't it???) I have decided that all of them have helped me be the person I am today. They may have only been there for awhile but there was some reason we connected. I think some relationships are not supposed to be stationary - they move like ocean currents in short changing burst. Some are there for the long haul - as in my friends I have known since before high school or my good friends from college.

When I was getting divorced nearly 4 years ago (my God, where did the time go?) I had some people in my life who helped me through it by being supportive. Many of them I am not longer in communication with for various reasons but they were completely instrumental in my survival of that situation. I will never throw away the pictures or things from that time even though they are no longer part of my present life. I cannot bring myself to do it because they were important to me (sentimental - I am a scorpio at heart after all).

But, the issue I have is that no one wants to think of themselves as the person who is constantly changing friends - that leads me to believe they don't really know themselves well enough to know they can handle being alone. It took me a long time and gone through much emotion to find out that I am okay with being friends with people for whatever length of time I am and just being happy with it. Yes, I wish I do wish things could have been different, but I refuse to live my life with regret. I am just taking it at a growing up lesson and trying to make sure the relationships I do have that are important to me don't fall into the category of ones in my past.


  1. Wow you just wrote exactly what I am feeling.... I am in the process of writing a blog about kina the same topic.... <3

  2. This post resonated with me. My former best friend "dumped" me, for reasons I don't entirely understand. I heard through the grapevine that she was engaged, and it was bittersweet - I was sad that I couldn't be there for her special day, but I was also a bit relieved, as she would have been the ultimate Bridezilla.