The very strange anniversary this weekend is that 5 years ago I told my ex-husband I was leaving him because I knew I deserved better after living the way we were for so long.
We were together for 6 years, married for 3 years and living together for 4 years of our relationship. Things didn't always seem to be bad, in fact we were quite happy for about 5 years of the relationship before things really started to fall apart. We started growing apart and the stresses of the infertility and being a one income family really pulled us apart. Take all of that with that you become a different person when you are 26 than when you are 20.
I think back to the time when I was making the choice to leave or not, I struggled with it for a long time before I decided to talk to him. I was not sure when I told him how rough the whole process was going to be on me through it all. It's amazing to think about all I went through to get through it all. It was the most difficult conversation I have had with someone probably ever in my life. I wish I could say that it was the last conversation we had together that was hard and uncomfortable but it wasn't.
It's strange how fast the time has gone.
Sunday, March 25, 2012
5 years later
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I hear ya, sister! The first 5 years were happy for me too. Then marriage, and 2 years of infertility exposed the cracks and weaknesses I was all too comfortably sweeping under the rug. I don't blame our infertility, and in a way, I'm grateful to have gone through the experience with someone like my ex, who opened my eyes, led me to a new life, and gave me a really valued gift---a way out. :) xoxoxo
ReplyDeleteI don't blame our infertility either, but it as well as the stresses of being a one income family while he was in school just exposed the issues that we had been just ignoring (unhealthily at that) for years. After over a year of working on it, I was just finished with it and knew that I deserved more than what I was dealing with. Now I look back 5 years later, it was the best but most difficult decision I made. I do not regret doing it because it brought me some of the most amazing people into my life through meeting my wonderful husband and I wouldn't give it up for anything.
ReplyDeleteNever thought I would be a divorcee when I was 26, but without that I would be a happily remarried woman of 31. Strange plans of the world that keep you guessing!