Saturday, August 20, 2011

Failed IVF - A Reflection of the Journey

We had our blood work done yesterday and it was negative. Heartbreaking news to hear to say the least.

I had told the nurses to call and leave a message on my voicemail because I wouldn't be able to answer the phone and didn't want to answer it until after school was over because I knew I was going to have a strong reaction either way. When I checked my phone, the doctor's office had called 4 times and left 2 voicemails - it freaked me out and I had to find out what the deal was. So I listened...and immediately crumpled to my desk with the news. I had to leave the school and come home, I could not be there anymore with all the emotions I was going through in that moment. Thankfully, I have amazing co -workers who took my class so I could leave. My principal walked me all the way out to the car and hugged me in support.

I came home and cried for about an hour straight - sobbed uncontrollably while feeling completely defeated would be a better way of describing how I felt.

My RE's nurse called me and we talked for about 20 minutes. She said the my RE meets with the other doctors in her practice every Tuesday to talk about the IVF patients that did not have success. They figure that 6 doctors looking at how it went may help to see something that someone else may not have seen and give suggestions. I told her that I would like to hear what they have to say about recommendations for the future to help us make a decision about doing it again so we can have all the options.

Aaron and I talked about it at great length and we came to a few conclusions:

1. We need to heal - physically, emotionally, mentally. This could take a great deal amount of time and we are not going to put a time restraint on it, when we feel ready to start we will start.

2. We need to listen to the recommendations of the RE after their meeting as to which protocol we would follow if we decide to do it again.

3. We are going to reconsider all of our options, including adoption before we make any major decisions about anything.

Things we learned through our journey:

1. We are stronger than either of us thought we could be to get through all of this.

2. We have amazing friends, family, and support that have helped us get through the past few months without completely losing our minds in the stress of it all.

3. Aaron and I are stronger as a couple than we were at the beginning of our marriage, our relationship has become very strong because we have had to be there to support each other. It makes me happy that we can work through anything.


  1. Hi,

    I just read your post. I am looking up old and missed friends from about 10 years ago. I knew your husband and the guys from Edwardsville then. I so hoped they would all find nice women who would love them like they deserved to be. There were all so good in their own ways. From what I just read, I think you guys are good together. I'll be praying for you. It was so nice to read about the old crew again. Keep your faith.

    Just call me "Rogue" that was my kinda nick name back in the X-men days.