Wednesday, February 1, 2012

Interesting class, but not for academic reasons

So as some know, I am getting my 2nd Master's degree. It's not something I brag about because I don't feel like it needs to be made into a big production. I am lifelong learner and sometimes, a glutton for punishment by subjecting myself to additional levels of work when I don't need another degree. Either way, I still enjoy it.

Anyway, I was in class tonight talking with some of the lovely girlies who have become the people who make the tediousness of classes much more bearable. I found out one of them had recently suffered a miscarriage and I immediately knew how shitty that feels having had one myself. Hers was a similar case to ours but it doesn't make it hurt any less than it would to anyone else. It got me to thinking about a few things, so here is one of my lists I tend to make to organize my thoughts:

1. The phrase, "we were not even trying" needs to be eliminated from the English language because it is hurtful and lame to say to anyone. It is never an intentional sentence, people tend to say it before they really think about what they have said. However, it's impact on a person struggling to have a family is heartbreaking. It makes their journey feel insignificant in the scheme of things because they were trying and still not successful.

2. There are so many people who are struggling with this in silence. I think back to when we started our journey and how there was no one for us to talk to about what we were feeling and how unbelievably frustrating it was for both of us. That is why I started this blog originally, to have a safe place to vent and get out all of the feelings I had inside me that had no where to go. As soon as she and I started talking, it was amazing how many other people around us started to chime in about their experiences. There were 4-5 people in just a few tables in class who were all struggling with starting or continuing a family. I hope she felt better after we talked because she said she felt so alone, dearie...sadly, you are not alone in a significant way. There are so many of us struggling with this, and unfortunately, many of us are suffering in silence.

3. There is a serious level of ignorance about infertility. I guess if you have never had to be in the place to experience it, why would you voluntarily do so? Hell, I am in it up to the tips of my hair and toes and I surely don't want to be in it. I think asking questions is a wonderful way to get information, but please tread with some sensitivity - it is sometimes tough to talk about even when we really really want to talk.

4. I am genuinely curious as why so many people in my generation are having these problems? I am not sure if it is because it was not reported by many people due to the veil of silence and shame that seems to surround the whole thing or just simply because the technology to assist hasn't been around so long the doctors have generations worth of information on the subject? It is just a very curious thing and I would love to know more about it.

I hope that just knowing there are more people out there that are going through things they are will help them to find a small sense of peace in the hurricane that is infertility.

I found this on the another person's page and it is amazing. It may not make sense to everyone but it definitely made sense to me.

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