20 Weeks and 4 days

We have officially hit the 20 week mark, which means from this point forward I have less left of my pregnancy than I do ahead of me! Amazing concept! I have to admit that after everything we went through, it seemed like we were never going to get to our dream and now here we are!

Weekly update:

How far along? 20 weeks and 4 days

Total weight gain: I am pretty sure at my doctor appointment on Monday is going to show that I have gained weight, my appetite has returned in force (thankfully!)

Maternity clothes? that's what I am fitting into right now, all maternity pants

Stretch marks? No new ones

Sleep: this is a magical thing that is rather elusive from time to time

Best moment of the week: the ultrasound on Monday was the best! She is so big now compared to when we saw her 5 weeks ago. We had tons of pictures although she was a stubborn butt and was upside down so we didn't get the best set of pictures so we have to go back in a few weeks for more.

Miss anything? Not really

Movement: the moving is getting more and more noticeable - still not something you can feel from the outside yet, but I think we are getting closer to that point

Anything making you queasy or sick: No more queasy!! Thank goodness

Gender prediction: we saw the ultrasound on Monday and she is definitely a girl! It was very clear from the pictures that she is a girl

Labor signs: Nope

Symptoms: strong smells is the killer one for me right now, I do have sciatic nerve pain, hot/cold flashes throughout the day, uncomfortable sleep, pregnancy head congestion which has lead to some bloody noses, and hungry for sweet things constantly

Belly button in or out? In

Wedding rings on or off? they are on a chain around my neck now, they only fit to my knuckle. It makes me sad and I need to find some kind of replacement

Happy or moody most of the time? lately is a flip-flop between happy and sad. 

Looking forward to: Aaron being able to feel baby girl from just putting his hand on my belly, it will be nice for him to be more of a part of this pregnancy! 

19 weeks and 4 days

Nearly 1/2 way there!! :-) Can't believe we are here!

How far along? 19 weeks and 4 days

Total weight gain: I have been working really hard on gaining weight, my next appointment isn't for 2 more weeks so we will see what the doctor says. I have been eating every few hours and have been wanting really sweet things lately - I could eat ice cream everyday without question

Maternity clothes? that's what I am fitting into right now, all maternity pants

Stretch marks? No new ones

Sleep: I use the pregnancy pillow however, I have hot/cold flashes in the middle of the night that wake me up and then I have a hard time going back to sleep

Best moment of the week: 2 unexpected snow days this week! We just had a long weekend but another one is a wonderful thing for me to be able to catch up on some rest

Miss anything? Not really

Movement: Still intermittent movement - every now and then I think I feel her moving around, it's getting to be more and more frequent. I can't wait until Aaron can feel her moving!

Anything making you queasy or sick: No more queasy!! Thank goodness

Gender prediction: We are going with girl until we are told otherwise, 20 week ultrasound is scheduled for Monday so we shall see if we are still team PINK or not!

Labor signs: Nope

Symptoms: strong smells is the killer one for me right now, I do have sciatic nerve pain, hot/cold flashes throughout the day, uncomfortable sleep, pregnancy head congestion which has lead to some bloody noses, and hungry for sweet things constantly

Belly button in or out? In

Wedding rings on or off? they were on until today, I took them off to put on lotion and couldn't get them back on again - I am pretty sure they are off until further notice. My hand feels very bare

Happy or moody most of the time? lately is a flip-flop between happy and sad. 

Looking forward to: the ultrasound on Monday - can't wait to see how much baby girl has grown since our last ultrasound that was nearly 5 weeks ago! I am going shopping with my MIL this weekend as well to see some of the cute baby things that are starting to be put out for spring and summer!

18 weeks and 3 days

Here we are at 18 weeks and 3 days! It's amazing to get to this point.

This week has been an okay one compared to last week, I barely had to time to blink last week with the amount of work and things I had to get done, parent/teacher conferences, etc. It was a week that went quickly but was so busy by the end of the week, I just wanted to crash out.

I had to do the 3 hour glucose tolerance test on Saturday. YUCK!!! I had taken the 1 hour test in January and failed it so the OBGYN wanted me to do the 3 hour test to make sure I hadn't developed gestational diabetes. This is not a fun test at all. You have to fast beforehand, then take a blood draw, drink the nasty overly-sugary drink (seriously, this stuff is toxic!), then sit for an hour, blood draw, sit for another hour, blood draw, sit for another hour, blood draw, and then you are finally done. By the time I was done, I was STARVING!!! Thankfully, the test came back normal. Unfortunately, I will still have to do the test again at about 28 weeks to monitor for gestational diabetes. Stupid insulin resistance that it making me do this gross test.

We have the 20 week appointment set up for the anatomy scan and to check her gender (we still think she's a she, but we will see for sure!). We are very excited about this, not just for checking her gender, but to see her development to make sure she is growing well.

Onto the weekly update:

How far along? 18 weeks and 3 days

Total weight gain: Working on eating often to help with this since I am still down 11.5 pounds since becoming pregnant

Maternity clothes? that's what I am fitting into right now, all maternity pants

Stretch marks? No new ones

Sleep: I bought a pregnancy sleeping pillow which seems to be helping some with the sleeping issues, a few more hours of sleep makes a huge difference for me

Best moment of the week: Spending the day with Aaron on Saturday for our Valentine's Day celebration - we went shopping for baby girl, had a nice lunch, and just spent the day together.

Miss anything? Not really

Movement: Still intermittent movement - every now and then I think I feel her moving around

Anything making you queasy or sick: No more queasy!! Thank goodness

Gender prediction: We are going with girl until we are told otherwise

Labor signs: Nope

Symptoms: strong smells is the killer one for me right now

Belly button in or out? In

Wedding rings on or off? the rings are on, most of my bloat is gone

Happy or moody most of the time? lately is a flip-flop between happy and sad. 

Looking forward to: my mini-vacation to Chicago this weekend to visit family, it's been a stressful few weeks and having a small break will be amazing.

17 Weeks and 4 Days

How far along? 17 weeks and 4 days

Total weight gain: I had my doctor appointment and went up 1 1/2 pounds - no lecture

Maternity clothes? that's what I am fitting into right now, all maternity pants

Stretch marks? No new ones

Sleep: I bought a pregnancy sleeping pillow which seems to be helping some with the sleeping issues, a few more hours of sleep makes a huge difference for me

Best moment of the week: Seeing my little one on the ultrasound machine when she was moving all around and the doctor couldn't get her heartbeat, so out came the machine! It was a treat!

Miss anything? Not really

Movement: Felt one movement on Super Bowl Sunday (she's definitely our girl!)

Anything making you queasy or sick: No more queasy!! Thank goodness

Gender prediction: We are going with girl until we are told otherwise

Labor signs: Nope

Symptoms: strong smells is the killer one for me right now

Belly button in or out? In

Wedding rings on or off? the rings are on, most of my bloat is gone

Happy or moody most of the time? lately is a flip-flop between happy and sad. 

Looking forward to: the next ultrasound, working to get it set up so we can see the development :-)

16 weeks 3 days - somewhat annoyed

16 weeks and counting....

As I get further into my pregnancy, I am amazed at how many people have an opinion about how I "should" feel or what I "should" do or "should" think.

I know there are some people who do not want to hear my complaining when I am having a bad day or feeling like crap because they think I should be cartwheeling or backflipping due to finally being pregnant. Now, I understand to a degree where they are coming from because we are THRILLED at all of this - to the point words fail me to explain.

HOWEVER:

I am still a first time mom who has NEVER experienced this before, it's all brand new and scary to me. I don't know what's going on in my body from day to day (sometimes minute to minute feels so unknown), it feels different and I am in an adjustment phase for all this - so somedays I am just completely overwhelmed both positively and negatively. I am pregnant, which means I can be the following in any order and all at once: sad, scared, mad, confused, frustrated, happy, nervous, excited, anxious, sentimental, overwhelmed, etc.

This is a whole new ballgame for me - I don't think there is a particular way I should feel because so much is so unknown to me. I have read the books, talked to people who have gone through it before to make sure I am not way out of bounds.

We can't wait to be parents, it's what we have been working toward for such a long time, but that doesn't mean that makes me into a person who isn't scared to death and gets overwhelmed from time to time. We are so excited about it all because we have been to hell and back to get to this point, spent a small fortune, and had our relationship tested time and again with the stress. We are still going strong (I would say stronger, to be honest) but that does not change us from being first time parents who are adjusting to the changes we are experiencing right now, let alone all the changes to come.

No one tells other pregnant women that they should just get over it when they are having a bad/sad/overwhelemed day, so why am I any different???

Okay, I am climbing down off my soap box now.

How far along? 16 weeks and 3 days

Total weight gain: I have been working hard at spreading out my eating throughout the day to help me get more nutrition, so hopefully at my appointment next week, I will have at least maintained if not have gained a little bit of weight

Maternity clothes? that's what I am fitting into right now, all maternity pants

Stretch marks? No new ones

Sleep: I bought a pregnancy sleeping pillow which seems to be helping some with the sleeping issues, a few more hours of sleep makes a huge difference for me

Best moment of the week: Buying some adorable new clothes for baby girl - we are blessed to get lots of hand-me-downs, but some new clothes for the new baby is a necessity for us :-) A little bit of spoiling never hurt anyone

Miss anything? Not really

Movement: No, but it should be coming pretty quickly - the next few weeks

Anything making you queasy or sick: No more queasy!! Thank goodness

Gender prediction: We are going with girl until we are told otherwise

Labor signs: Nope

Symptoms: strong smells is the killer one for me right now

Belly button in or out? In

Wedding rings on or off? the rings are on, most of my bloat is gone

Happy or moody most of the time? lately is a flip-flop between happy and sad. Last night, I started crying for no reason whatsoever when getting ready for bed! Caught me off guard and I cried for over 15 minutes straight - still not sure what that was all about!

Looking forward to: the next ultrasound which should be somewhere between 18-22 weeks to do a more in depth anatomy scan for development as well as hopefully confirm for me that she's doing all right in there and growing strong!

15 Weeks and 3 Days - the baby is a....

It's a girl!!!

We had our elective gender ultrasound on Saturday and it was so cool! :-) She has gotten so much bigger since the last ultrasound we had seen at 8 weeks 5 days! It took a little persuading to get her to move around enough for us to see the gender, she was lying on her back which made it nearly impossible. Luckily, we had the most patient ultrasound tech who kept me moving around to help to get a different angle until we were able to get a good view.

So here she is:

Aaron and I had chosen names over the summer when we were going through the 2 rounds of IVF because it was a positive thing for us to do when we were hitting a frustration point. So as soon as we found it was a girl, we knew what her name would be. Genevieve is for my great-grandmother on my mom's side and Ann is for my grandmother and mother. It's a way to honor all of the women in my history. Plus, it's just a beautiful name in general and not one that we hear that often. We wanted a name with meaning for us and was something that not everyone would have in her classroom as well.

Now for the weekly update:

How far along? 15 weeks and 3 days

Total weight gain: Well I thought I was done losing weight, but apparently I was wrong. I am down another almost 4 pounds brining our total to -13 pounds since finding out we were pregnant. Time to stop losing and start gaining a little

Maternity clothes? that's what I am fitting into right now, all maternity pants

Stretch marks? No new ones

Sleep: well this week has not been a great sleeping one, my body is waking me up at about 3:30 am and then I can't fall back asleep - making my days seem so much longer than necessary

Best moment of the week: Seeing the baby on the ultrasound to see how much she has grown since the last ultrasound and to see Aaron's face as he saw how much bigger she was

Miss anything? Well food is better, but I need to start eating more because of the weight loss - not as easy as it sounds though when I am getting full faster and faster

Movement: Nope

Anything making you queasy or sick: No more queasy!! Thank goodness

Gender prediction: According to the ultrasound, she's a girl - it was a pretty obvious there was nothing else there so until we are told otherwise, she's a girl!

Labor signs: Nope

Symptoms: strong smells, gas (so much!! I am a human gas factory right now), leg cramps are starting and woke me up last night, some headaches

Belly button in or out? In

Wedding rings on or off? the rings are on, most of my bloat is gone

Happy or moody most of the time? generally happy but the hormones are increasing - I have noticed that my frustration level gets hit quicker than it did before and I have to make myself calm down before losing my cool all the time

Looking forward to: the next ultrasound which should be somewhere between 18-22 weeks to do a more in depth anatomy scan for development as well as hopefully confirm for me that she's doing all right in there and growing strong!

14 weeks and 3 days

Well here we are again...another weekly update.

Last week, I woke up in terrible pain down the back of my right leg. I went to work and the pain just became worse, finally at about 2:15 am I woke up Aaron and said we had to do something because it woke me up out of sleep. So he got up (even though he had just gone to bed not too long before) and we were at the ER by about 5 am. However, because I am pregnant, they wanted to check for a blood clot first since pregnant women can have those and the symptoms mimic what I was feeling. The downside was the ultrasound tech did not come in until 7 am and they wouldn't do anything until that was cleared and my blood work was back. So back to sleep we went in the ER while waiting. Finally, it was time for the ultrasound (all the way up from the top of my thigh to the ankle by the way - ouch!) and it came back clear. The ER doctor said he felt as though I had developed tendinitis of my Achilles tendon somehow and that was the source of the pain. The nurse wrapped it (which super duper hurt and I cried a ton as she did it) and we were given directions to rest it, ice it, elevate it, and keep the wrap on for at least 48 hours. By the time we were home, it was nearly 9 am and poor Aaron had barely any sleep but was going to have to go to work soon. I felt awful for the whole thing, he's a good husband: made sure I had my ice pack, my laptop, all the remotes for the TV/DVR/DVD player, wrapped in a blanket, and some snacks near me so he could get some sleep without me having to get up very much. This week at school, I have been wearing my boot which allows me to not put all my weight on my ankle while walking and I have a follow up appointment on Monday. Ugh. Very frustrating situation.

In other news, we found out that our ultrasound place will only allow 2 people in the room with the tech so that threw a wrench in the whole plan for having my mother-in-law in the room when we found out the gender. Thankfully, a solution is there is another place that will do an elective ultrasound where you can have tons of people in there with you AND they will do the gender scan even earlier! So we now have an appointment for this Saturday and she gets to come with us! I hope the baby is cooperative and we can find out. I want to know if it's a boy or girl and why not do it earlier when it is not that expensive ($60 for the scan) and then we can go back later to do a 3D/4D ultrasound if we would like. That's pretty awesome.

Next week, we will have the gender update!

How far along? 14 weeks and 3 days

Total weight gain: I am not losing anymore, which is really all I can say to the positive at this point.

Maternity clothes? that's what I am fitting into right now, all maternity pants

Stretch marks? No new ones

Sleep: getting a little bit more sleep now than I have been before

Best moment of the week: finding out we can do the gender scan earlier!

Miss anything? Well food is starting sound better finally, so I am experimenting at things that bothered me in my first trimester to see if they are okay now

Movement: Nope

Anything making you queasy or sick: No more queasy!! Thank goodness

Gender prediction: Not really sure but the FB poll has it at 20 voting for girl and 5 voting for boy

Labor signs: Nope

Symptoms: strong smells, gas (so much!! I am a human gas factory right now), leg cramps are starting and woke me up last night, some headaches

Belly button in or out? In

Wedding rings on or off? the rings are on, most of my bloat is gone

Happy or moody most of the time? generally happy but the hormones are increasing - I have noticed that my frustration level gets hit quicker than it did before and I have to make myself calm down before losing my cool all the time

Looking forward to: a hopefully cooperative baby on Saturday so we know if baby G is a boy or a girl

13 Weeks 4 days

So this week has brought about some new adventures:

1. The nausea has passed!!!!!!!!!! I couldn't be happier about that because it means that I don't spend the whole day running to throw up all the time. I feel like I could shout from the rooftop that I don't want to throw up anymore.

2. The downside is that I have to eat more, but my stomach doesn't seem to like any food I like. I am trying to eat all the things I have enjoyed before and that makes eating a bit more of a challenge. My doctor now wants me to start gaining weight (I was down almost 10 pounds from my pre-pregnancy weight through the first trimester) slowly and increasing my nutrition now that I can keep down food.

3. We bought at home Doppler to listen to the baby's heartbeat at home between doctor appointments. While it's a little tricky in the beginning, it's amazing to be able to listen to the heartbeat whenever we want, it allows me to feel much less stressed because I know the baby's heart is beating strong.

Weekly update:

How far along? 13 weeks and 4 days

Total weight gain: I am -9 pounds from pre-pregnancy weight - I am sure that will be changing soon as I am under orders to eat more now

Maternity clothes? that's what I am fitting into right now, all maternity pants

Stretch marks? No new ones

Sleep: getting a little bit more sleep now than I have been before

Best moment of the week: hearing the heartbeat at home on the Doppler for the first time

Miss anything? Currently, I miss some of the food that I have loved in the past but currently my stomach does not seem to think is good stuff. I am not sure what to eat at this point

Movement: Nope

Anything making you queasy or sick: No more queasy!! Thank goodness

Gender prediction: the dreams are still leaning toward girl

Labor signs: Nope

Symptoms: strong smells, gas (so much!! I am a human gas factory right now), leg cramps are starting and woke me up last night, some headaches

Belly button in or out? In

Wedding rings on or off? the rings are on, most of my bloat is gone

Happy or moody most of the time? now that we are out of the scariest trimester, I feel much more comfortable with everything - that trimester was keeping me on the edge of anxiety all the time

Looking forward to: finding out the gender next month!! So close to it!!

12 weeks and 4 days

I hope everyone had a fantastic New Year's celebration, no matter what you did.

We had a good time with a group of friends. Last year, we went on a party shuttle with a group of friends and it was fantastic. So, we decided to do it again this year. Although it was a bit more interesting being 3 months pregnant and still dealing with morning sickness, plus a terrible head cold. We made sure that we had a back up plan in case I wasn't feeling very well and needed to leave, but fortunately did not need to use it.

Here we are in the 13th week, heading into the second trimester and thankfully getting a bit of relief from the terrible morning sickness. I have to say that whomever named this awful part of pregnancy as morning sickness obviously never had it because it was all day and all night. It didn't matter what I ate, when I ate it, or how much I ate - all of it made me sick. A good day was only coming to the edge or throwing up 4 times, some days were up to 10 or 11 times a day. It is very difficult to function as a human being when all you feel like doing is keeping your head in the toilet and lying in bed with a blanket over your head. I am so glad that it's tapering off finally, now it's maybe once a day every other day or so. I couldn't be more thrilled with this new development.

I have a doctor appointment on Monday to hear the heartbeat and to get the plan for the upcoming doctor appointments. I have ordered a handheld Doppler which should hopefully be here soon so we can hear the heartbeat at home whenever we want. Talk about a relief that will be when it gets here.

Now the weekly update:

How far along? 12 weeks and 4 days

Total weight gain: not sure I have gained much, but I feel like it

Maternity clothes? that's what I am fitting into right now, all maternity pants

Stretch marks? No new ones

Sleep: getting a little bit more sleep now than I have in days due to a terrible head cold

Best moment of the week: spending the new year with my friends and family

Miss anything? I admit that I did wish for a drink on New Year's Eve, but stuck to water and soda

Movement: Nope

Anything making you queasy or sick: FINALLY getting better!

Gender prediction: the dreams are still leaning toward girl

Labor signs: Nope

Symptoms: strong smells, now getting headaches pretty regularly

Belly button in or out? In

Wedding rings on or off? the bloat is coming down on my hands so my rings are back on

Happy or moody most of the time? starting to feel better now than I have so far

Looking forward to: the complete end of the nausea all the time and feeling more like myself again

Happy New Year everyone

Well, it's the last day if 2012 and I am ready to move into 2013 in a major way!!

Our 2012 was rough.

Aaron left his job in February, which took us down to being a one income family for most of the year. It was a tough decision to make but he was very unhappy in the job, it was starting to greatly affect our relationship. We talked long and hard about our options, we decided he needs to do what he enjoys so he started back to school to get his degree in computer programming. He started temp work a few weeks age at a company in the next town and it is going very well. They are planning to hire him full-time and still be flexible with his class schedule so he can finish his degree.

We lost my mother in June, which was a tremendous blow to me and my life. I miss her everyday and it's not something I will easily forget. Our relationship was not perfect, it was often up and down, but in the end she was my mom. I have so many questions about being a mom that I would love to ask her now. I am very sad she she won't be around to see her grandchild grow up in person, but I know she is the guardian angel for the baby.

We did 2 rounds of IVF this summer, it was difficult and painful. We had success with the second round and became pregnant but it lead to miscarriage quickly. We were heartbroken and took some time to recover before moving on to a frozen transfer. It was discouraging and sad, but we pulled together, I am pretty sure it made us stronger as a couple overall.

We then lost Aaron's grandmother, Augusta in September right before Aaron's 33rd birthday. It shook his entire family to the core. She was a strong woman who was the head of the family in so many ways. She loved her children and grandchildren so much, they were the light of her life. Everyone will miss her greatly but now we have another guardian angel.

We did the frozen transfer in October and found out in November, we were finally pregnant!!! To say we were excited was an understatement. We worked so hard and went through so much to get to this point. It was nerve-wrecking to wait for all the tests and ultrasounds to see the baby was doing okay. We reached 12 weeks yesterday and that's an amazing accomplishment for us. Now we are in the second trimester and we have so much to look forward to as we move closer to meeting our baby in July.

Now bring on 2013 and the new adventures it will bring for us!

Merry Christmas

Merry Christmas! I hope that everyone had a great holiday. We went with Aaron's family for the holiday and it was amazing. It's so hard to believe that next year, we will have a new little baby that will be spoiled rotten by the families! It's our last Christmas as a family of 2, by next year we will be a little family of 3. After all this time, it hardly seems real. We have been working toward this dream for so long!

How far along? 11 weeks and 2 days

Total weight gain: might have gained a little from the holiday eating, but at my appointment last week, I was still down over 5 pounds

Maternity clothes? nope, wearing stretchy pants right now to make until I go shopping with my MIL this week for maternity clothes

Stretch marks? No new ones

Sleep: exhaustion during the day, insomnia at night

Best moment of the week: spending the holiday with family

Miss anything? I miss my family that I cannot see

Movement: Nope

Anything making you queasy or sick: still dealing with the nausea that comes on all the time no matter what I eat

Gender prediction: the dreams are still leaning toward girl

Labor signs: Nope

Symptoms: Nausea, Strong smells, Emotional, Having to pee all the time at night

Belly button in or out? In

Wedding rings on or off? the bloat is coming down on my hands so my rings are back on

Happy or moody most of the time? tired of feeling so run down all the time

Looking forward to: coming out of the first trimester on Sunday and hopefully the end of the craziness

10 weeks 6 days

Okay I am slacking some.

It has been a hectic week to get through the end of the semester and now I am nearly to 11 weeks but haven't done my weekly update.

How far along? 10 weeks and 6 days

Total weight gain: 4 pounds down from pre-pregnancy weight

Maternity clothes? had to buy underwear a size bigger, but trying to make it until I can get some more maternity clothes after Christmas

Stretch marks? No new ones

Sleep: sleeping usually during the day when I have a 100 things to do, but then struggling at night when I should actually be sleeping

Best moment of the week: surviving the week at school! The week of finals is such a hectic one

Miss anything? sleeping at night, I only seem to sleep well during the day

Movement: Nope

Anything making you queasy or sick: ugh, right now just about everything makes me queasy - can't wait for this feeling to go away

Gender prediction: the dreams are still leaning toward girl

Labor signs: Nope

Symptoms: Nausea, Strong smells, Emotional, Having to pee all the time at night

Belly button in or out? In

Wedding rings on or off? the bloat is coming down on my hands so my rings are back on

Happy or moody most of the time? tired most of the time is more the concern

Looking forward to: the holiday break and spending time with our family

9 weeks 6 days

Not too much to update - getting set for my first regular OB appointment on Tuesday, trying to get through to the end of the semester at school so I can have a few days in a row to rest, and counting down the days until I am off all the supplements (Estrogen and Progesterone).

I have one week left before the semester for teaching and there is so much left to do. We have final exams Thursday and Friday then we are out until the new year! YEAH!!

I will update more after my first appointment with my regular OB on Tuesday - I am not really sure exactly what to expect there.

How far along? 9 weeks and 6 days

Total weight gain: none as of right now

Maternity clothes? going to have to start wearing them more, my puffiness is getting tough to make my pants close and my underwear is getting way too tight

Stretch marks? No new ones

Sleep: sleeping okay, the dreams are still intense and strange

Best moment of the week: getting a hair cut and color to feel rejuvenated finally

Miss anything? after a tough day, I do miss having just one beer to chill out

Movement: Nope

Anything making you queasy or sick: Mexican food and chicken wings are still rough, the smells are always getting me to feel not so good

Gender prediction: the dreams are still leaning toward girl

Labor signs: Nope

Symptoms: Nausea, Strong smells, Emotional, Having to pee all the time at night

Belly button in or out? In

Wedding rings on or off? the bloat is coming down on my hands so my rings are back on

Happy or moody most of the time? tired most of the time is more the concern

Looking forward to: the end of supplements (they are kind of gross), hopefully the end of nausea, and the holidays coming up where I can relax for a few days

We have been released!

The appointment yesterday went amazing!

We had our ultrasound which was awesome - baby GW has grown and grown! Heartbeat of 167 beats per minute, arm and leg buds growing, and we even saw the baby wiggle around! This was brand new for Aaron because he couldn't be at the last appointment. It will not get old though, hearing that little heart beating away like it was.

The best news is that our RE has released us! We no longer have to go there for appointments. We are sad about this some though because we love our RE and we would not be where we are without them. I am going to miss them terribly because they have been remarkably supportive and answered all our questions without fail. We had to promise we will bring the baby by to see them. 

Now to get set up with my regular OB again - I haven't seen her in over 2 years because we have been with the RE. I am going to call on Monday and hopefully get it all set up.

8 Weeks and 4 days

Today I am 8 weeks and 4 days - yes I am still counting in days and this will not change until after I am out of the dreaded first trimester and feel more comfortable.

This week has been mild compared to the chaos that was last week.

The nausea is okay - not great. We did find the preggie drops (anti-nausea hard candies for pregnant women) and the preggie pops (lollipops with the same purpose). Those are helping me at school because the Zofran makes your intestines to stop like it's rush hour in construction traffic. Nothing moves.

As promised:

How far along? 8 weeks and 4 days

Total weight gain: not sure, food has been staying down

Maternity clothes? busted out a few to try - I am at an awkward period. My non-pregnant clothes are too tight, the maternity clothes are too loose

Stretch marks? No new one

Sleep: Been slightly better, although the very strange and scary nightmares are getting to me

Best moment of the week: probably tomorrow if I get released from the specialist - we are hopeful!

Miss anything? Mexican food and chicken wings - apparently another thing to go bye-bye at the times

Movement: Nope

Anything making you queasy or sick: Mexican food and chicken wings - 2 of my most favorite things in the whole world and just the smell of them right now makes me run to the bathroom

Gender prediction: Been having dreams that GW is a girl - don't know if it means anything at all, too soon to tell

Labor signs: Nope

Symptoms: Nausea, Strong smells, Emotional, Having to pee all the time

Belly button in or out? In

Wedding rings on or off? Off but just because of the bloat I feel which is apparently normal during the first trimester

Happy or moody most of the time? Depends on the day

Looking forward to: The morning sickness lightening up or going away completely so I can function again.

A scary day I am glad is over

The last 24 hours have been filled with anxiety.

Last night, I started having pretty bad cramps with much red spotting. It wasn't a little amount and it freaked me out tremendously. After a few hours, it was still bad so we called the on-call doctor to see what we could do and their recommendations to move forward. She said that I need to take some tylenol, drink as much as I could and call the doctor's office in the morning to have an appointment set up right away.

Okay, super freak out time.

I sobbed and sobbed because I was so scared that we were miscarrying after everything we went through to get pregnant.

It was a very scary night with restless sleep and anxiety.

At the appointment today, I had another ultrasound. Thankfully, the baby was still there and the heart was pumping away strongly - 149 beats per minute and had grown so much. Little GW was so much bigger than they were last week. I was able to hear the heartbeat loud and clear, it was the most wonderful sound in the world particularly after the way I spent the evening.

The best news is that the hematoma was gone, it was not there anymore!

I sat down with the RE and we talked for awhile about everything, she said that I did the right thing by calling the on-call doctor and coming in early to have a scan to make sure things were all right. She said she wants me on rest this weekend, taking it easy all weekend and calling her on Monday morning. She also said she wants to see me again next week to make sure I felt more informed about everything.

Whew, what an emotional roller coaster day.

7 weeks = nausea and exhaustion

Well now that things are rolling along, someone flipped the switch to the nausea and the strong smells kicking in and I am not feeling good pretty much everyday.

I know that this is what we have hoped and prayed for all this time but I do not feel feel like I am not entitled to feel bad. Many women in their first trimester don't feel well and apparently I am one of them.

People have the best of intentions with happiness for me feeling badly because it means the baby is growing and the hormones are a-flowing. But when it's the 5th time in about an hour that I feel like I could throw up, that's not really comforting.

I am so excited that so many people are excited for us, there have been so many people on this journey with us from the beginning and to be able to finally say that things are going along wonderfully is truly an amazing feeling. I know our little baby (I call GW - our baby names for a boy or a girl starts with a G, so that's my nickname for the baby) will be loved from so many places. It makes us feel the love all time,

So I am going to try to keep up with these every week to see the progress of the baby and how I am feeling:

How far along? 7 weeks

Total weight gain: actually down about 3 pounds - thank you nausea

Maternity clothes? Not yet, but the bloat makes me wish I was wearing them

Stretch marks? Not any ones I didn't all ready have (haha!)

Sleep: Between getting up to go to the bathroom all the time and having nausea, sleep is interesting. Though, I am exhausted during the day and wish I could nap under my desk at school!

Best moment of the week: Sharing the picture with everyone!

Miss anything? Right now - Mexican food, a glass of wine after a day like today, and no nausea

Movement: No way, GW is too little!

Anything making you queasy or sick: Umm....EVERYTHING!!!!!! Thank goodness for Zofran to help with the nausea but I HATE the taste of Saltines

Gender prediction: Not a clue - little GW will be perfect no matter what!

Labor signs: Nope

Symptoms: Nausea, Strong smells, Emotional, Having to pee all the time

Belly button in or out? In

Wedding rings on or off? Off but just because of the bloat I feel which is apparently normal during the first trimester

Happy or moody most of the time? To quote Grey's Anatomy - "I am a hormone casserole!" it depends on the day and what's happening at the moment - I do cry for no reason

Looking forward to: The ultrasound Monday at 8 weeks 1 day and hoping we get released back to my regular OB from the specialist

Time to share

The best news possible:

That's right! We have a baby on the way!

Today I am 6 weeks 4 days and due July 13, 2013 (approximately, give or take a day either way). The FET was a success!!! We are so excited but have been so nervous to tell until after we had the ultrasound to make sure things were moving along in the best direction.

We met with the RE today, had our ultrasound pictured above, and a blood draw. It was almost surreal to believe when we saw the baby on the screen. We could see the heart pumping away, still too early to hear it yet, but we could see it going (heart rate 124 bpm). My eyes starting tearing up when we saw it because I had spent the whole day being so nervous that things were not going to be going along well - but they are moving along perfectly.

The RE is thrilled with everything - she about made me cry several times as we were talking about the schedule of things to come. We have been trying for so long, have gone through so many procedures, spent so much time and money on this pursuit, it all came tumbling out.

So here is our plan:
-2 weeks til a follow up ultrasound when I will be approximately 8 weeks 3 days
-If everything is going well, I can be released to my regular OB
-I can stop taking the shot and we are switching to another form of progesterone

We are not out of the woods yet, but we have tackled some of the major hurdles before we are at our lowest point for chance of miscarriage that we will be at throughout the pregnancy.

We definitely have so much to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.

Today is my 32nd birthday

Today I turn 32.

The last year has been quite a ride and although I have come out the other side of it stronger, I am not sorry to see it end. I am ready for a new beginning in my life and I feel strongly it is on the way.

I am sad today although it is a happy day because my mom is not here to celebrate with me. She always made my birthday a big deal - she would send me many birthday cards, post pictures on Facebook, call me multiple times a day to sing to me like she did when I was little. It was important to her that I feel special on my birthday and I have to admit that today, there is some sadness.

I am ready to have a new start to the new year of my life - after this year, I believe very strongly that I deserve a fresh start.

Wishing, Hoping, and Praying (Again)

Well the waiting game continues...unfortunately, this is all too familiar of territory for me. I have been down this road for 3 years now and it never gets any easier to manage.

After the early miscarriage in August, I promised Aaron when we did it all again, that I would not test at home. We watched our dream appear, then slowly disappear through the at home tests and it was impossible to deal with emotionally. Now this time, we are just going to wait for the official testing by the doctor's office for the final say-so on it.

That does not mean it's any easier to deal with this time just because we are waiting to find out the results. Nope, not one little bit.

The waiting is the hardest part.

So true.

We always say we will take some time to deal with the results before opening it up to the whole world. Reality is that we end up sharing it all right away because we have so many people pulling for us and know they want to be there to support us no matter what.

Will this time be any different?

Who knows?

We are wishing, hoping and praying to be off this part of the ride - it's a terrible journey that I wouldn't wish on anyone EVER.

I know that the next part is full of different kinds of stressing, but at least then it's working toward something. Right now, we are just working for the hope. At least once it's real, we can start to be happy for a few before the other emotions come flooding in. Right now, we are just sitting on the edge of a pin waiting to be knocked in a direction - will it be positive or negative? We don't know and just have to keep on the waiting train.

3 days to judgment day and counting.

FET complete

We had our FET (Frozen Embryo Transfer) one week ago.

The dr said things looked great, the embryos were taken out of their freeze very successfully and even began to grow while waiting to be implanted. The dr called them beautiful.

The FET cycle has been nothing compared the headache that the fresh cycles were and thank goodness for that! I just take a pill 3 times a day for about 2 weeks, went in for a scan and blood work. It did get a little more complicated then though: I had to keep taking the pill 3 times a day, plus add in Medrol which they us to help the embryos implant (nasty tasting uncoated pill that sticks to your tongue and leaves your mouth tasting like medicine for hours), plus a round of antibiotics, and then dreaded progesterone daily shot. That was all leading up to the transfer day.

The day of the scan the poor dr was delayed and it ended up being almost an hour before we could do it from our original appointment time. Unfortunately for me, I had to sit with the full bladder that whole time waiting for the dr to show up!! I thought I was going to die! Then after the procedure, you have lay down for 30 minutes before you can get up. Now they have offered me the bed pan and I have rejected it each time. I just waited until I could go.

The dr said because of how much they had grown, it was pretty likely they would attempt to implant within 24-48 hours so those days were critical on bed rest.

I hate bed rest.

It never fails that because you can't move around, that's the only thing you need to do. Not to mention, I missed an awesome annual Halloween party a friend throws, and missed one of my favorite things to do, take the free Anheiser Busch brewery tour for another friend's birthday.

All for the great good, all for the great good, all for the great good.

It was my chant all weekend. This is was how I managed to make it through without completely losing my sanity.

My test is Wednesday 11/7 and it can't come quickly enough.

I promised Aaron that I would not take an at home test this time after the frustration with the early miscarriage in August. I just can't put myself through that again, I am just going to wait to hear what the dr's office says and that's that.

Been awhile - life is hectic

The past few weeks have been a touch on the hectic side. Teaching has been a busy time, grad school is kicking my brain's in, and life in general has become full. All of this has made the past 2 months since the last IVF move quickly. I think this is great because we haven't been able to dwell on the pain, we have spend much time talking about it all and our feelings.

We are ready to go forward now.

I went Friday to have an ultrasound and blood work to see if we are ready to go for the frozen transfer (FET for short). The results came back in the good area so we are set on the schedule for Friday - we don't know when exactly yet the appointment will be, we find that out on Thursday. Tonight starts the up kick of medications and the dreaded shot of progesterone everyday (seriously, in the butt and it is not comfortable at all - a tragic step that needs to be done, but I really don't like when Aaron has to do it for the 5 minutes or so everyday, I really don't like him very much).

We are nervous to begin it all again, although this prep for the FET has been nothing compared to what it was under the fresh IVF cycles. It's a difficult thing to deal with after the early miscarriage, but we have to focus our attention on the new positive times for our family. Our tentative plan right now is to do the FET, if it does not work we are moving onto another option. We are going to start investigating the idea of using a surrogate to carry our child. We are not sure why I cannot seem to get this done, but that's okay at this point.

I have had a difficult time coming to accept this as a women, but I believe I have gotten there after 3 IVFs I have had to do some internal searching on my feelings. Aaron and I deserve to have a family, we deserve to have our dream, and this may be a good option for us to use.

Here we go again.

Thank you Augusta

Today as we have been at the hospital with Aaron's grandmother Augusta, I thought about how my life would be different without her influence. She has been in the hospital since last week - her kidneys have shut down as well and she has not been awake since Thursday afternoon. Today, her breathing has slowed tremendously and as I write this, her pulse has slowed down to a level almost undetectable.

1.) I would not have my wonderful mother-in-law, Kara in my life. I am so grateful to have her as my mother-in-law and I hope she reads this. Kara, your support from the very beginning of my relationship with your son has been an unparalleled source of support. I am so glad and so happy that we have such a great relationship between the us. I know that no matter what, you are there to support Aaron and me. There are no words for that aside from thank you. You will be a fantastic grandmother.

2.) Without Kara, there would be no Aaron my amazing husband and best friend. I can not imagine my life without him and am beyond thankful everyday for the random meeting at a graduation party. The influence of his grandmother and mother on him and the importance of good relationships between husband and wife is unmatched. He is a great husband because of the women he grew up with all his life.

3.) The amazing extended family of aunts, cousins, and their wives. Marla and Clair, Kale and Katie, Dane an Stephanie - you are my family and all the support from you has helped us keep our sanity through the craziness we have been through. Aaron and I would be lost without you.

A great woman who was in charge of a great family and I have been privileged to be part of it for 5 years.

I think the universe has a sick sense of humor

Last night, my wonderful husband and I were on our way to have a dinner and date night out just the two of us. It had been kind of a rough week (as tends to happen when you are a one income family and the bills pile up and up). We were going to go out to celebrate my pay raise and to do something I have wanted to do for 3 months - get a memorial tattoo for my mom.

As we are driving and about to get on the highway, we get a phone call that redirects our entire life right now.

Aaron's mother calls to say that his grandmother, who is 97 years old, is having gall bladder issues and they are going to have to do surgery. Now the surgery itself is not a complicated in removing her gall bladder but it is dramatically complicated due to her age.

We came to the hospital immediately to be with his family right now.

I had to make sure that Aaron's mother was taking care of herself because she doesn't do that in stressful times, she had been at the hospital since 3:30 am, had hardly eaten much food and was completely exhausted.

We are back here super early because the doctor was going to come in and talk about when they want to do the surgery.

It is very scary due to the potential issues and to watch another family go through something I just recently went through with the serious family trauma.

Why the hell does this stuff keep happening right now??? Can't anyone get a break?

So we are just waiting now to find out what the plan is going to be and here with many items to work on throughout the day with not knowing if they are going to do surgery today. I am made sure that Aaron's mother was not having to worry about driving herself, has eaten breakfast, and is taken care of because she is focusing her attention on her mother.

I would be great with 2012 ending anytime now and being able to move onto something better.

Well a new plan is in place

I spoke to my RE's office last week and we are getting a plan in place for the FET (frozen embryo transfer). We have started on the ins process - getting it all cleared with them to approve the cycle and the medication. I am not interested in running into the same issues we did in the past with them - this hoop and that hoop.

I received my statement of approval from the company today stating that we are approved for the FET. At least that is one hoop we are officially through, hopefully not too many more to go.

General time frame is off of my next period to start the medicine - a pill 3 times a day for about 2 weeks before I go in for an ultrasound to see how the lining of the uterus is developing. If things are looking good, we will come in the next week to have the transfer.

It's much less invasive than the "fresh" cycles because I do not have to go into the doctor's office all the time to have ultrasounds and blood work. I will only have to take off part of the day for the ultrasound and then for the transfer which will be scheduled for a Friday so I can do the bed rest over the weekend and be back at schoo on that Monday. Their success rate is nearly as high as the fresh cycle, so we are hopeful that this will take and we can be done with all this nonsense.

I really hope this is the end of the road for me because I am dwindling at the end of a rope here, holding on by just a few threads of the rope. There isn't enough of the rope to tie a knot to hold onto anymore. 

I feel like crud

Well I am pretty sure that my body is angry at me. Months of fertility shots and all the procedures, I am fairly certain that is fighting me back...hard.

I started my period after coming off the progesterone and it is seriously kicking my butt. I feel like this is a terrible period and it seems like the my body is punishing me with the worst period I can remember. It's awful and I want the pain to go away.

This sucks.

It is just a huge reminder of what I had and what is now gone. It feels like a cruel joke.

We had our dream and then it was gone just as quickly. I am sad, angry, frustrated, defeated, and just wanting to have it all go back to being positive again before it was all gone in an instant.

I miss my mom right now so much. I can barely even think about her without starting to cry right now because it's just not fair that she is not here with me as I am going through all of this. I know she is watching, but it is not the same as her being here with me to talk me through all the pain I am feeling right now. There isn't going to be a way to make that pain go away and it hurts so much.

And now we heal...

Well, now it's time to heal up...how long is that going to take?

Aaron and I went out last night to have a dinner just the two of us. It was nice to have some time just us after this crazy week that we somehow managed to get through. This week was about surviving and that's what we did, we survived.

Now comes healing and time to be able to move forward.

We have to deal with this in our own time and feel as though it's time to move on when that feels good.

I am not sure that we would have made it through this week without friends and family supporting us. It was important to know we had support because this is hard. It hurts tremendously and I know that eventually, I will feel better about things with time passing by.

Damnit!!

Well - we officially had an early miscarriage.

Last Thursday, we had a positive POAS and again on Friday/Saturday. This was after we had negative tests Monday and Tuesday so we were of course thrilled.

We told our families knowing either way we would need them. They were so excited and elated for us - it was amazing that our dream had come true. We looked like a couple of overly-happily dopes for a few days.

As the day of my blood test approached, I was excited so I took another test on Monday. Really, it was for the joy of seeing a positive after 3 years of trying.

Much to my shock, it was negative. I woke Aaron up and we just sat on the bathroom floor and cried.

Tuesday was the same and I knew it was an early miscarriage.

Still nothing prepared me for the call from the doctor. She said the blood test was positive but the number was on the really low side of positive. A positive is above 5 on the HCG level, I had a 13. This meant there was a good chance of an early miscarriage and they wanted me to come in to repeat the test in 2 days to see what the number did. Ideally, we would want that 13 to almost double in 2 days but it would still need to be monitored closely.

This morning, I went in again for a follow up test. When the call came in, I was not surprised to hear that the beta number had dropped to zero.

Does that prepare you to know that you were pregnant and it's gone?? No.

Does it make you focus on how far you have come in the process?? No, that doesn't help at all.

Does it make you ready to jump back into the process with the frozen embryos?? Not yet - my poor body needs to rest a little first.

We are heartbroken.

We are hurting and wish it was all a dream. Wanting the positive tests back again. Wanting the good feeling of not having to struggle in fertility.

All there is left to say is - damnit.

Why not us???????